Worst person you know sharing inspirational quotes again

THE worst person you have ever met is once again posting images with inspirational quotes over them on your social media feed.

Pink balloon threatens human

A HUMAN has been threatened by a small, bright pink balloon.

Women attracted to men who are good at pool, think men playing pool

A GROUP of men playing pool in a pub have agreed that all attractive women present would definitely only consider shagging the winner.

Southerner thinks impression of Northern co-worker's accent remotely accurate

A SOUTHERNER actually thinks his attempt at a Northern accent in some way resembles what a Northerner talks like.

Hen weekend puts a price on friendship

A WOMAN has informed her friends via her hen weekend that the price of her friendship is £415, plus spending money.

Full stops to be formally retired in favour of 'lol'

FULL stop usage is being suspended indefinitely now that most people end every single written sentence with ‘lol’.

Teachers remind 16-year-olds that GCSEs will dictate every aspect of their entire lives

RESPONSIBLE teachers have informed their Year 11 pupils that their exams will determine which of them succeed or fail for the next 70-80 years.

Male mannequins to feature hand down front of trousers

MALE fashion mannequins are to be more realistic, including at least one hand rammed permanently down the front of their trousers.

Five ways to breastfeed in public if you really must

UNLESS you’re a model, pop star or on Love Island, breastfeeding in public is often frowned upon. Follow these rules to protect the population from a hideous glimpse of breast.

Woman's problems all seem to involve how great she is

A WOMAN’S many problems all seem to be related to how attractive, successful and generous she is, people have noticed.

Brexiter sure fairies at bottom of his garden could sort this mess out

A MAN who voted for Brexit has confirmed that the small group of fairies at the bottom of his garden could sort this whole mess out if only they were given a chance.

The latest cute phrases that will make you want to puke

AFTER the success of ‘sleeps’ and ‘holibobs’, the world’s idiots have decided more twee words and phrases are needed. Here are the latest ones.