We’re just so busy, say retired parents

A WOMAN has failed to appreciate how 'busy' her retired parents are.

'Popping round' to be made a criminal offence

THE act of ‘popping round’ unannounced to someone’s house is to be reclassified as a crime with the possibility of a custodial sentence.

Mum suspects adorable two-year-old son will grow up into total w*nker

A MOTHER is increasingly convinced her cute toddler will grow up to be an insufferable tosspot as he reaches manhood.

The Guardian reader's guide to dealing with burglars

IF your house alarm goes off and there’s an intruder, what should you do if you’re a soft-as-sh*te Guardian reader? Read our guide.

Dad arrives at airport 143 hours early

A DAD has arrived for his flight fully prepared and 143 hours early, it has emerged.

Dashcam footage captures BMW driver giving 'thank-you' wave

DASHCAM footage has apparently captured the moment a BMW driver waved ‘thanks’ to a fellow motorist.

Woman now showing too many pictures of her dog

A WOMAN is now showing too many pictures of her new dog, co-workers have confirmed.

Parenting 'basically stops after second child'

PARENTS just let their offspring get the f*ck on with it when they have more than two children.

BDSM fan orders home delivery knowing he won’t be in

A MASOCHIST has ordered a home delivery despite knowing full well he will not be in to receive the package.

Everyday pricks distance themselves from Trump

SOME of Britain’s most unbearable pricks have confirmed that they find Donald Trump's level of dickishness excessive.

Johnny machine in rural pub longing for human contact

A CONDOM machine in a village pub longs for the touch of a human hand, it has confirmed.

'Young people are bad with money' says woman spent £85 on Princess Diana plate

A WOMAN who once spent £85 on a Princess Diana memorial plate from the back of magazine believes that young people are bad with money.