Society

We call them 'shaggin' wagons', say retirees with campervans

RETIREES have confirmed they love campervans because of all the non-stop freaky sex they enjoy in them.

Man puts he/him in Twitter bio in pathetic attempt to sound 'woke'

A MAN whose gender has never been in doubt is describing himself as ‘he/him’ on Twitter in a feeble attempt to impress people.

Middle class mum making sh*t political statement with child's Halloween costume

A MIDDLE CLASS mother is wondering which of her tepid political opinions to turn into a Halloween costume for her child. 

New fathers reluctant to spend time with constantly screeching bag of shit

NEW fathers are failing to use their legal entitlement to paternity leave because they do not want to spend all day with a noisy shit fountain, according to new research.

Seven things some weird b*stard is definitely stealing from your house

DO random everyday objects always seem to go missing from your house? Here are seven things some weird b*stard burglar is definitely stealing.

Woman without kids thinks she's tired

A WOMAN with no child-rearing responsibilities believes she is physically exhausted, it has emerged.

How to be offended on behalf of other people

ARE you the sort of self-righteous idiot that likes to be offended on behalf of other people? Here’s how to do it properly.

A guide to swearing for secondary school pupils

YOU'RE 11 or older, you're practically an adult, and it's time to join your classmates in a smorgasbord of swearing. Try these:

How to avoid being guilt-tripped into attending a protest

EVERYONE you know is furiously tweeting about attending a protest, but you want to watch telly. Here’s how not to get blown off-course by snivelling do-gooders.

Playground bully now runs mindfulness courses

A MAN who stole your lunch money in year four by threatening to beat you up now teaches businesses how to be more mindful.

Your guide to getting a friend who overshares to shut the f**k up

HAVE you got a friend who gives you ‘too much information’ about everything from medical problems to their sex life? Read our guide to making them stop.

Most London flats actually worth £2,000

THE sane value of the vast majority of London flats is roughly £2,000, it has emerged.