Parents only have third child in case first two are rubbish

PARENTS only have a third baby in case the first two turn out to be dicks, it has been confirmed.

'Russians hacked my course work,' claims A-Level student

AN A-Level student has claimed his coursework has been hacked by Russians and turned into a paltry mess of ill thought out ideas.

Royal baby born on St George's Day to be England's saviour, if it's a boy

THE new Royal baby born on St George’s Day will be possessed with the spirit of King Arthur and is fated to save England, unless it turns out to be a girl.

Man thought bank was his friend

A MAN’S bank that was incredibly welcoming and friendly has suddenly turned nasty over the relatively trivial matter of a £15,000 loan.  

Man can't help putting on weird accent when he talks to workmen

A MIDDLE-CLASS man cannot prevent himself putting on a strange working-class accent when he meets people who do physical work.  

Don’t put evidence of doing bad things on Facebook, f**kwits told

IT is a bad idea to put evidence of crimes, cheating the system and extramarital affairs on Facebook, morons have been advised.  

People who call you 'mate' may actually despise you

A NEW study has revealed that ‘mate’ is often used as verbal camouflage by people who think the person they are addressing is a twat or worse.

Primary school teachers sad for child named Tiberius

TEACHERS at a primary school are sad to see yet another middle-class child who has been given a ridiculous name.