Society

Get shitfaced responsibly this weekend, says government

THE government has put out the confusing message that Britons should drink extremely heavily this weekend but in a sensible way.  

Stop beginning sentences with 'so', annoying people told

PEOPLE should stop using the weird Americanism ‘so’ to start sentences, it has been decided.  

Are you pretending to be an adult?

DO you live in fear of people finding out you are quite immature and just putting on a facade of being a proper grown-up with kids and stuff? Take our test and find out.

Man dressed head-to-toe in Union Jacks looking forward to having his opinion taken seriously

A MAN who dresses head to toe in Union Jacks is looking forward to being treated as if he were normal this weekend.

16-year-old pretty sure these aren't the real GCSEs

A 16-YEAR-OLD taking his GCSEs is confident that these are just mocks or a practice or something like that.

Man reluctantly removes 'junglist' from his dating profile

A MAN has reluctantly taken the word 'junglist' out of his dating profile.

Club 18-30 relaunched for angsty millennials

BOOZY Club 18-30 package holidays are being updated for introspective, self-obsessed millennials, it has been confirmed.

Everyone waiting for bit of conversation where they get to talk

EVERYONE in every conversation is actually just waiting for the other person to shut up so they can talk, research has found.