Painfully slow barista wants you to know they control your life

A COFFEE shop barista taking an inordinate amount of time to froth your latte wants you to know that for these two minutes, she owns you.

Idiot joins in with wife's criticism of her best friend

AN absolute bloody idiot has joined in his wife’s tirade against her best friend.

When's this shit getting automated? ask mothers

MOTHERS have confirmed they are sick of waiting for artificial intelligence to automate all the tedious, repetitive shit they have to do.

Synchronised dance at wedding hints at nightmare to come

A SYNCHRONISED dance at the beginning of a wedding reception has foreshadowed the hellish nightmare to come.

Builder claims catcalling women on street is his 'private life'

A BUILDER has followed Boris Johnson’s example by defending sexually harassing women in public as part of his private life.

Woman admits they all piss in the shower

A WOMAN has spoiled it for the rest of womankind by admitting they all urinate in the shower.

Woman asked when she's having baby replies 'When the devil impregnates me with his evil seed'

A WOMAN is so sick of being asked when she is starting a family that she has begun to answer ‘when Satan spills his diabolical black spunk in my womb’.

Man who lives in tiny village accuses Londoners of 'living in a bubble'

A MAN who lives in a village with a population of 72 has accused people who live in a massive cosmopolitan city of being somehow separated from the real world.

Cab driver knows you'll be tweeting his weird Brexit opinion as soon as you get out of the car

A CAB driver knows full well you will be tweeting his bizarre opinion on Brexit within minutes of getting out of his cab.

Men admit, once and for all, that every single one of them looks at internet pornography

MEN have united to confess that every last one of them looks at dirty stuff on their computers.

Five ways to avoid talking to parents at the school gate

DO YOU dread the school run in case you have to talk to the awful parents hanging around the school gate? Here’s how to dodge them.

Taking the absolute p*ss up 800 per cent

RESEARCH has confirmed that the number of people blatantly ripping the p*ss is eight times higher than in 2009.