Britons only able to let go emotionally when barmaid breaks a glass

BRITONS are only able to express their true emotional state when a pub worker drops a tray of glasses, it has been confirmed.

Child who wanted pet given fish instead

A FOUR-YEAR-OLD who wanted a pet has been bought a goldfish as a stop-gap measure.

93-year-old never thought he’d live to see the day when he could be bigoted again

A VISIBLY moved pensioner has welcomed Britain’s new-found tolerance of bigoted attitudes.  

The bellend’s guide to nights out

EVERYONE loves pubbing and clubbing at the weekend, but are you doing it in a way that causes maximum aggravation for fellow revellers? Follow our guide.

Friday booked off by devious little shits

PEOPLE who booked Friday off work are cackling like maniacs at the success of their scheme.

Family discovers 'will of the people' is terrible way to make decisions

A FAMILY of two adults and three small children are regretting putting all household decisions to a simple majority vote.

Woman who didn't have a lighter to lend stranger feels like a failure

A WOMAN who was asked for a light but did not have one now feels like an utter failure, she has confirmed.

Self-employed woman goes to weird pretend office with total strangers

A WOMAN who could work at home rents a desk in a building full of strangers instead, it has emerged.