Five annoying favours you should have said 'F**k, no' to

AGREED to do someone a favour and now deeply regretting it? Here are some little helping hands you'll hate every minute of.

Eight reasons why the Argos catalogue was better than Amazon

THE end of the Argos catalogue is the end of an era for Britain. Here’s why buying the same crap from Amazon will never feel as good.

White van man takes neutral stance on woman's arse

A WHITE van driver has no strong feelings towards the arse of a nearby woman, thinking it neither good, bad or worthy of comment.

Stop being friendly to each other you weird bastards, South orders North

THE South has ordered the North to stop being all weird and friendly and in and out of each other's houses, supposedly because of coronavirus. 

'Lively contributor' = 'Never shuts the f**k up': your guide to school report euphemisms

TEACHERS are no longer allowed to tell you your child is stupid. Here’s how to read between the lines of their end-of-term report:

The eight things you need to be a beach bastard

WANT to not only spend your day on the beach but to ruin everyone else’s? Bring these items on your six trips to the car.

How to rebuild your social skills after months of video calls

AS the world returns to semi-normality, the invitations are flooding in. But can you handle it after months of Zoom? Here’s how to deal with real life interactions:


A MAN whose opinions are expressed in all caps on WhatsApp, Facebook and MailOnline comments also takes a megaphone to the pub.

Whole dinner table forced to speak at level of single sodding toddler present

A TABLE of adults have been forced to spend an entire meal conversing at the level of the three-year-old who is sharing their dinner.

Man loses three friends to local outbreak of conspiracy theories

A MIDDLE-AGED man has lost three friends to a localised outbreak of conspiracy theories.

Seven things that were so much f**king simpler in the 1970s

THERE were strikes and shortages and scandals, but you know what there wasn’t in the 1970s? Bloody complications.

The gammon's guide to flying in the age of Covid-19

WORRIED about traveling with Covid-19 still knocking around? Follow puce-faced bellend Norman Steele’s tips to make flying a nightmare for all.