A MOTHER of three has warned everyone that if they even think about buying her children slime for Christmas she will cut them with a blade.
A BABY will spend eight hours deciding how he will make bedtime a complete and utter shit show.
THE French have done some good rioting recently, but is our famous ‘English reserve’ stopping us sorting out our grievances by setting fire to cars? Read our guide to smashing shit up.
AN atheist family’s advent calendar contains nothing but reason and cold hard facts.
A MAN who has been seeing a woman long enough to start calling her his girlfriend is eager to see how he will totally balls it up.
THE ‘deep divisions’ in British society are mainly just people enjoying getting angry about things, experts have found.
A MAN with a mobile contract that is soon to expire is worried about the staff at Carphone Warehouse after going 24 hours without a call.
A CHILD whose parents have told him the truth about Santa is about create utter chaos in a school playground.
BRITAIN’S least well off have hailed Ian Duncan-Smith after he donated an entire tin of peas to a food bank.
A FEW people in Britain are getting the broadband speed that was in the advert, according to new research.
A BREXITER has vowed to leave the country for some unspecified destination of his own free choosing if the government do not do something about immigration.
CHILDREN who have been little shits all year know full well they will get presents anyway, it has been confirmed.