Genealogy research reveals family have been boring bastards since 14th century

A MAN has researched his family tree for the last seven centuries but is still not related to a single aristocrat, highwayman or war hero.

Racists upset by nasty tolerant people

EVERYONE is being really nasty to racists at the moment and should be more bigoted, racists believe.

Parents watch three-hour dance show for 98 seconds of their child

A GROUP of parents has each watched a three-hour long dance show in order to witness 98 seconds of their child performing.

Facebook nutter includes workplace in his profile

A FACEBOOK lunatic is happy for everyone to know where he works, it has emerged.  

Non-driver slams passenger door so hard it destroys car

A NON-DRIVER has slammed the passenger door of their friend’s car so hard that the car has been written off.

Middle class couple upset sending kids to private school has made them 'poor'

A COUPLE who spend thousands of pounds a year on their children’s school fees are sad they are too poor to go skiing this year.

How to get someone buying a house to shut the f**k up

HAVE you got a friend who’s buying a house and won’t stop banging on about it? Here are some tactics to stop them droning on for a bit.

Hairdresser's opinions increasingly dodgy

A MAN’S haircut ended just moments before he would have been forced to agree with a morally indefensible statement by his hairdresser, he has confirmed.

Adults told to stop putting two words together to make a swear word

ADULTS have been urged to stop making up meaningless compound swear words like 'arsebucket' and 'tossgerbil'.

Man who held lift door acting like he's Nelson Mandela

A MAN who held the lift door for a colleague is acting like a selfless hero, it has been confirmed.

Smart motorways are great because we can drive three abreast, say lorry drivers

LORRY drivers have confirmed they love these new four-lane smart motorways because now they can block three lanes at once.

Most effective cleaning hack is not bothering your arse

THE best way to cut down time and effort spent on cleaning is to fuck it off and do something else, experts have confirmed.