Dad putting toddler to bed wakes up three days later

A DAD putting his toddler to sleep then fell unconscious with a book on his lap for 72 hours, he has admitted.

More rail strikes under Labour, Johnson warns commuters selling sex to buy tickets

BORIS Johnson has warned commuters who have to turn tricks to pay for their tickets that there will be more strikes under Labour.

Father raising son to be a massive twat

A 42-YEAR-OLD man is raising his son to become a proper twat.

Only grandma does anything when grandparents babysit

CHILDREN have confirmed that when Granny and Grandad come over to babysit only Granny actually does any work.

87 per cent of English people think Scotland is mythical

THE majority of English people think Scotland is a make-believe land of snow and monsters, it has emerged.

Barber bewildered after man not happy with the back of his head

A BARBER was thrown into confusion after a customer indicated they were unhappy with the back of their hair.

Woman hounded out of Waitrose for bringing Asda bag

A WOMAN has been thrown out of Waitrose by staff and other customers for attempting to use a 'bag for life' from Asda.

Which p*ssed-off generation are you part of?

UNSURE whether you’re Generation X, Millennial or Boomer? Don’t know which other generation you should hate most?

Are you in the top five per cent of wankers?

DEBATE has been raging over what it means to be in the top five per cent of earners, but could you also be in the top five per cent of w*nkers?

Father's friend doesn't deserve 'uncle' status

A 38-YEAR-OLD father of two has confirmed that one of his closest friends does not deserve the status of 'uncle'.

Getting out of bed against all natural instincts

BRITONS must currently overcome 43 separate instincts in order to leave their beds, it has emerged.

Neighbour 'totally fine' with collecting your Amazon delivery

A NEIGHBOUR has confirmed that it is 'totally fine' and he is in no way annoyed about collecting your Amazon deliveries.