A MAN has researched his family tree for the last seven centuries but is still not related to a single aristocrat, highwayman or war hero.
EVERYONE is being really nasty to racists at the moment and should be more bigoted, racists believe.
A GROUP of parents has each watched a three-hour long dance show in order to witness 98 seconds of their child performing.
A FACEBOOK lunatic is happy for everyone to know where he works, it has emerged.
A NON-DRIVER has slammed the passenger door of their friend’s car so hard that the car has been written off.
A COUPLE who spend thousands of pounds a year on their children’s school fees are sad they are too poor to go skiing this year.
HAVE you got a friend who’s buying a house and won’t stop banging on about it? Here are some tactics to stop them droning on for a bit.
A MAN’S haircut ended just moments before he would have been forced to agree with a morally indefensible statement by his hairdresser, he has confirmed.
ADULTS have been urged to stop making up meaningless compound swear words like 'arsebucket' and 'tossgerbil'.
A MAN who held the lift door for a colleague is acting like a selfless hero, it has been confirmed.
LORRY drivers have confirmed they love these new four-lane smart motorways because now they can block three lanes at once.
THE best way to cut down time and effort spent on cleaning is to fuck it off and do something else, experts have confirmed.