CHILDREN have confirmed that the final week of homeschool before summer is even more bollocks than the final week of proper school.
IDIOTS are in universal agreement that not knowing anything is indeed the secret to eternal happiness.
TEACHERS say they do not want presents chosen by parents but would prefer a voucher so they can get something they actually like.
A MAN is not quite close enough to hold the door open for, it has been confirmed.
BACK in April, everyone and his wife opined about how lockdown would change Britain forever according to their tastes. But it was bollocks. Here are some examples.
A COUPLE about to spend half a million pounds on a house say life would be impossible without their gift of £15,000 from Rishi Sunak.
YOU’VE been forced to interact with one of the middle-classes. But who are they? What do they want? Was that thing they said meant to be funny?
RESIDENTS of the West Country are living in fear of holidaymakers in case they are witches who will turn them into toads.
BRITAIN’S most exciting new post-lockdown hobby is being a twat in a park. Here’s how to ignore social distancing, intimidate people and generally play the arsehole.
BORIS Johnson has promised to ‘build build build’ more affordable homes, which are bound to be tiny new flats you still can’t afford. Here’s what property developers have in mind.
THE last British mum who dutifully corrects her children’s Americanisms has finally given up.
THE government has outlined its new half-arsed rules for reopening schools which are impossible to follow and will be ignored. But what are they?