How to tell someone they're wearing too much f***ing aftershave

ARE YOU in the vicinity of someone doused in so much scent that they leave a trail of aggressive migraines? Here’s how to break the news.

Parents scared of Momo ignoring kids scared of climate change

PARENTS are reassuring their children that Momo is not real while ignoring their children’s actual fears of climate change.

Are you in hell or at a kid's birthday party?

CAN you hear Baby Shark? Is a five-year-old hitting you with a balloon for no reason, while his oblivious father makes bets on his phone?

Feminist going a bit too far for male friends' liking

A WOMAN’S liberal-minded male friends feel a bit uncomfortable about some of her feminist views that might apply to them, it has emerged.

Indicating when turning now on an 'if you feel like it' basis

USING your indicators to alert other drivers that you are about to turn off the road is no longer mandatory, the government has announced.

'Communism now!' screams 13-year-old from Henley-on-Thames

A 13-YEAR-OLD from a posh Home Counties town is demanding full communism for the United Kingdom.

Dad explaining 'facts of life' drowning in sports metaphors

A FATHER trying to explain the ‘facts of life’ to his son is hoplessly confusing him with metaphors about ‘getting one in the back of the net’ and ‘slam dunks’.

Play Facebook Smugness Bingo!

ARE you putting enough insufferable posts about your perfect life on Facebook? Eyes down for a game of Facebook smugness bingo!

Man somehow remembers school fondly despite hating every second of it

A MAN has given a glowing account of his school days that is very different to how his friends remember it.

'You can be anything you want' says lying bastard dad

A FATHER has been feeding his child utter bollocks about being able to have any job they want when they grow up.

Are you f**king furious enough about the ISIS bride?

ARE you worried you’re not being goaded enough by the media over ISIS bride Shamima Begum? Read our checklist and see if you could be angrier.

Brexiter 'taking back control' has 800 Pot Noodles

A SUPPORTER of Brexit has been forced to stockpile a large number of Pot Noodles ‘just in case’, he has admitted.