What sort of denialism is right for you?

WOULD you like to refuse to accept well-established facts? Find out which form of denialism is best for you.

The highlights of the next decade, in advance

THE cultural and political highlights of the next ten years have been announced in advance to avoid anyone missing them.

Northern Tory voter can't wait for Middlesbrough to be like Hampstead

A NORTHERNER who voted Conservative is looking forward to his hometown of Middlesbrough becoming affluent, leafy and packed with intellectuals.

Man going back to live with parents for sheer joy of their company

A 30-YEAR-OLD man has gone back to live with his parents, insisting he really enjoys their company.

Stranger made conversation at urinal

A STRANGER has attempted to strike up a conversation with the man urinating next to him, it has emerged.

Britain is top place to live, claims sarcastic think tank

BRITAIN is one of the best places in the world, according to a sarcastic think tank.

Seven reasons why the 2010s can f*ck right off

THERE are many, many reason why the last decade can go piss up a rope, but here's seven for starters...

Child begins urgent colouring task just before leaving house

A CHILD has begun the urgent creation and colouring-in of a picture just moments before he needs to leave the house.

How to survive a packed Christmas train 

IF you’re going home for Christmas by train, it will be rammed with inconsiderate b*stards. Here’s how to get through the ordeal.

F**king show-off sends Christmas cards

A WOMAN has only gone and posted everyone lovely, thoughtful Christmas cards like a f**king ars*hole.

The Tory voter’s guide to the poor at Christmas

CHRISTMAS is a time to remember the less well-off, and remember it’s their own fault. Here’s how compassionate Conservative voters can help them.

Five popular new hobbies under a Conservative majority

A NEW era of majority Conservative rule has begun, but how will you occupy yourself in the evenings now? Try these: