THE UK’s favourite leisure activity is now snitching on other Britons for violating the laws of lockdown in some way.
A COUNTRY forming celebratory conga lines as recently as this weekend has been told to use its innate common sense to figure out lockdown restrictions.
CAPTAIN Tom Moore has asked Britain to sponsor him on his latest charity drive to walk the Inca Trail in Peru.
SCHOOL has been redefined for a generation as one hour plugged into an app followed by five hours in the garden, kids have confirmed.
EVERYONE can clap for the NHS on a Thursday, but how can you show your middle-class support is that bit more select? By banging these.
INCREASINGLY bolder urban foxes are so unafraid of humans they are now openly taking on public roles, it has been revealed.
EVER hated holding a colleague’s new baby? Well, that’s over, and if social distancing is here to stay so are these.
A ROTTWEILER has confirmed that he is going to go out there and sniff so much bottom once this whole crisis is over.
A RELAXATION of social distancing will give everyone a social bubble of a maximum ten people they are allowed to see. Which will you regret?
HALF the world is on lockdown, but only in these sceptre’d isles does it manifest like this. Which symptoms are you suffering from?
A GROUP of mums are supporting each other through lockdown by pooling their knowledge about getting high.
THE reopening of Britain’s rubbish tips has seen thousands of people head down there to dispose of a fridge and get wrecked.
- Twat with stupid car finding lockdown perfect opportunity to be extra dickish
- Kids learning an average of six new swear words a day at home school
- Man who wants lockdown to end didn't stay at home in the first place
- Homeschooling mum apologises for not learning new language and how to play the glockenspiel