Society

What to do if you meet a QAnon fruitloop

HAVE you been cornered by a nutter who believes Donald Trump is the secret saviour of trafficked children who are imprisoned in the basement of pizza shop?

Five things people like to believe which are total shit

ARE your beliefs a pack of nonsense which conveniently fits with your own prejudices? Check if they’re any of the following. 

UK almost feels sympathy for students for first time in history

BRITAIN is almost feeling sorry for the plight of students for the first time since records began, it has emerged.

Why isn't there a Twat History Month, asks twat

A TWAT has challenged the concept of Black History Month by asking why there is not one for twats like himself.

The Tory guide to Geordies

ARE you a Conservative politician baffled by the mysterious Geordie folk? Tory MP Norman Steele explains everything about these fascinating creatures.

Daughters better than sons, mums admit

MOTHERS of daughters have admitted that, despite years of pretending otherwise, having girls is miles better than having boys.

Six tried-and-tested tricks to make your child lose all respect for you

DO you want to lose your child’s respect for you as a parent without tricking, forcing or bribing them? Try these foolproof techniques.

Trapped freshers wish they'd accepted their shit A-level results now

FRESHERS trapped in university accomodation wish they had accepted their initial A-level grades so they could be back home doing resits.

Queen spends first welfare cheque on fags and cans

WITH the Crown Estate due to receive a bailout after a slump in revenue, the Queen has been spotted spending her first welfare cheque on cheap fags and booze.

Five twats from school you'll awkwardly bump into in the supermarket

IT’S inevitable that you’ll eventually bump into some twat from school while shopping. Here are some you should have looked out for in the ready meal aisle.

Every Leave voter to have a lorry parked on their driveway

EVERY Brexiter will be expected to host a lorry on their drive or front lawn to help Kent deal with the 7,000-strong queues expected after the transition period.

Dog realises he was adopted

A LABRADOR has realised that the people he thought were his parents are actually a different species.