Society

The bigoted relative's guide to creating an awkward atmosphere this Christmas

ARE you taking your bigotry round to see relatives on Christmas Day? Here’s how to make the table bristle with tension as they wonder what you’ll say next.

Putting on a panto, and four other activities if you're stuck in a lorry in Kent

TRAVEL restrictions may have been eased, but queues and Brexit mean the average HGV driver will still see Christmas and New Year in on the M20. This will pass the time...

The six types of dickhead you don't have to meet this Christmas

WITH socialising rules relaxed for a day for most of us, you won’t be spared agonising small talk with arseholes at family gatherings.

Man looking forward to seeing what he got his mum for Christmas

A MAN will see his mother’s face light up at his present to her at the same time as he finds out what that present is, having delegated all present-buying to his wife.

Man thinking

People swap food bank vouchers for drugs, and other bullshit idiots believe

BRITONS will believe any old shite that fits their prejudices. Watch out for these examples of spurious bollocks.  

Woman out Christmas shopping appalled at people out Christmas shopping

A WOMAN out Christmas shopping is shocked and angered by the number of other people doing exactly the same.

'You're looking well' and other insults that sound like compliments

UNSURE if you’ve just been showered with praise or secretly insulted? If you’ve heard any of these phrases, you’ve just been covertly put down.

Britain's Lush stores full of awkward boyfriends out of their depth

HORDES of bewildered boyfriends are milling around Lush desperately seeking Christmas gifts for their partners.

Six signs everyone thinks you're a f**king terrible driver

DOES anyone getting into your car first ask questions about whether it has working airbags? Then you’re the kind of driver everyone hates being in a car with. These are the signs.

Cat fuming that his name was on family Christmas card

A FAMILY cat is livid that his name was added to all the Christmas cards sent by his household without his permission.

Brexiter

Five good things Brexit has already given me as a Leaver

IT looks like we're just hours away from crashing out of the EU without a deal and finally getting our country back. Here are some of the wonderful benefits we’ve already had from Brexit.

New car essential for superiority reasons, confirms school-run mum

A WOMAN has confirmed she needs a giant SUV to demonstrate that she earns more than the rest of the parents in her son’s class.