BBC executives have spent more than £10m travelling the world looking for awful television programmes to copy, it has been discolsed.
A MAN'S reluctance to get married is linked to his fear of a lack of oral sex, new research shows.
FIRST-time buyers across Britain are hoping the government can see its way clear to stumping up for a motor as well.
THE economic downturn will lead to a sharp rise in people being arseholes, according to a leaked Home Office letter.
BRITAIN'S supermarkets were last night accused of stocking the products their customers want to buy.
CHILDREN in the UK are now outnumbered by ageing psychopaths who devour every word of the Daily Mail, new figures reveal.
AN evil mastermind has offered £2 million for the missing memory stick containing the details of thousands of Britain's finest criminals.
THE temporary euphoria of Britain's Olympic success came to an abrupt halt this morning as millions of commuters remembered what an unmitigated shithole this country really is.
TYNEMOUTH council last night unveiled a new £5m park in its bid to become the European capital of giant, cock-based graffiti.
TERMS including 'frogging', 'donkey handbag' and 'eine Mosley schaften' have all been included in the new Chambers English Dictionary.
THE north of England is just so horrid and ghastly, according to a new report by some people who work in central London.
THE invention of an invisibility cloak was last night welcomed by those perverts who rub up against you on the train until they go off.