Film to show man going to the toilet

THE exact moment a man goes to the toilet is to be shown on television.

School Subjects To Be Dicked About With

BRITAIN'S primary school curriculum is to be radically reformed after ministers realised they hadn't dicked about with it for at least a year.

Britain To Take Two Years Off

BRITAIN is to take the next two years off to go travelling and focus on its hobbies.

Benefit Cheats Very Good At Lying, Warn Experts

BENEFIT cheats are accomplished liars who would relish the challenge of a polygraph test, experts warned last night.

Free Sex Marginally Better Than Pizza Hut

HAVING free sex with your wife is now slightly better value than Pizza Hut, according to a new survey.

Stupid Hats Everywhere

BRITAIN was awash with stupid bloody hats yesterday as the temperature dipped below freezing for the first time this winter.

Lapdancers To Wear William Hague Masks

BRITAIN'S lapdancers are to wear William Hague masks in a bid to restrict their sexual potency.

Police Cannot Wait To Get Tasers

POLICEMEN across England and Wales could not sleep last night after being told they were going to get electric stun guns.

Britain Now The Drunk Woman At A Party

BRITAIN is now the noisy, emotional drunk woman at a party, according to a major new report.

BNP Not Just Policemen, Reveals Secret List

A SECRET list of BNP members has revealed the party includes people from a range of professions, not just the police.

Single People Who Don't Work Particularly Hard Demand Tax Cuts

HARD-working families are not the only ones who deserve tax cuts, according to single people who do barely enough to get by.

UK Couple In First World Of Warcraft Divorce

A WOMAN has divorced her husband after he used the computer game World of Warcraft to conduct affairs with a series of imaginary woodland creatures.