WITH unemployment expected to reach three million by the end of next year, economists were last night warning of Billy Bragg.
MOGADISHU has been named the world's hottest destination by a panel of tosspot travel writers.
PEOPLE in the north of England refuse to use to toilet paper believing it will steal their soul, according to new research.
MILLIONS of Britons last night realised the collapse of the banking system meant nothing to them as they have no money anyway.
MINISTERS last night unveiled plans to ban women from getting all drunk and randy.
TEACHERS across the country were last night told to be on the look out for exploding five year-olds.
TEACHERS are to be given a list of all the teenagers they can legally have sex with, it emerged last night.
CHURCH of England vicars are to have the phrase 'full of shit' stamped on their foreheads, it was confirmed last night.
SIR Ian Blair last night admitted he should have shot London mayor Boris Johnson in the face when he had the chance.
THE Church of England is to offer couples greater choice on where they can lie about believing in God.
A BRITISH man yesterday successfully crossed the English Channel using nothing but a car ferry.
THE government is to introduce legislation that will leave Britain in the clutches of voodoo, it was claimed last night.