BNP Not Just Policemen, Reveals Secret List

A SECRET list of BNP members has revealed the party includes people from a range of professions, not just the police.

Single People Who Don't Work Particularly Hard Demand Tax Cuts

HARD-working families are not the only ones who deserve tax cuts, according to single people who do barely enough to get by.

UK Couple In First World Of Warcraft Divorce

A WOMAN has divorced her husband after he used the computer game World of Warcraft to conduct affairs with a series of imaginary woodland creatures.

Everything To Be Really Cheap But You'll Have No Money Anyway, Say Experts

PRICES are to fall dramatically over the next 12 months which will be particularly annoying for you as you will have no money, the Bank of England said last night.

Call For Increase In Gap-Toothed Inbreds

THE number of babies created from the sperm of a single donor should be increased to boost Britain's quota of gap-toothed inbreds, experts have claimed.

Somebody sells a house

THE British economy turned a corner last night after somebody sold a house.

22% Who Trust Politicians To Be Deported

THE 22% of Britons who trust politicians should be deported, it was claimed last night.

Alcohol To Be Restricted To Nice People With Degrees

ALCOHOL should only be available to nice people who know which wine goes best with fish, according to MPs.

Under Fives Not Taking Your Shit Any More

BRITAIN'S under fives are just not taking this shit any more, the National Union of Teachers has warned.

White Guys To Be Taken Out For A Pint

WHITE guys are to be taken to the pub this weekend and told they are good at things too.

Britain Now At Its Most Outraged Since 1747

BRITAIN is now more appalled and outraged than at any point in the last 260 years, it has been confirmed.

Brown Sells You To Some Arab Gentlemen

PRIME minister Gordon Brown returned to the UK last night after successfully negotiating the purchase of you by some Arabs.