Fat Boys To Be Sent On Outward Bound Porn Hunt

TEENAGE boys are increasingly overweight because they no longer need to go outside to find explicit pornography, according to new research.

Out Of Date iPhone Users Forced To Sit At Back Of Bus

PEOPLE who own the out of date iPhone will be forced to sit at the back of the bus, it emerged last night.

Bastards Thinking Of New Names For Your Fat Bits

THE bastard inventors of 'moobs' are working on names for your other fat bits, it has been confirmed.

Office Workers Finally Switch To Crack

AN IMMUNITY to caffeine has led to a growing number of office workers switching to crack, according to new research.

Cheese rollers defy ban on rural stereotypes

GLOUCESTERSHIRE'S 'cheese rollers' have defied a health and safety order to show the world they are still drunken inbred maniacs.

Two Years Not Enough To Grow Stupid Hair, Say Students

TWO-year degrees would give students insufficient time to grow stupid, pretentious beards it was claimed last night.

Workshy Must Stand Around Doing Nothing In A Uniform Or Lose Benefits

THE long-term jobless must stand about in big shops wearing polo shirts, the government has confirmed.

Men Getting Less Fussy

BIRTHS to women over 40 have trebled in the last 20 years as men continue to lower their standards, according to latest figures.