Gay Priests Have Sex With Men, Say Experts

PRIESTS who are gay are 100% more likely to have sex with men rather than boys, experts have claimed.

Fears Grow That Recycling Could Become Inconvenient

A PLAN to install slop buckets in homes and offices has raised concerns that being environmentally-friendly could start to become a bit of a pain in the arse again.

Stop Serving Food That Looks Like A Vagina, Say Customers

RESTAURANTS across Britain are being urged to stop serving food that looks like a lady's fandango.

Police Remove Makeshift Daily Mail Reader Warning Sign

POLICE in Kent have removed a makeshift sign that warned drivers and pedestrians about nearby Daily Mail readers.

Post Arriving 'Later Than Ever And Covered In Semen'

ROYAL Mail deliveries are arriving later than ever, and frequently drenched in semen, it was claimed yesterday.

Protestant Child Molesters 'Being Sidelined'

PROTESTANT child molesters last night warned they were becoming the 'forgotten men' of Christian paedophilia.

National Curriculum To Include Abject Terror

PUPILS across the UK are to have the absolute screaming bejesus scared out of them on a weekly basis, under changes to the national curriculum.

Commuters Forced To Make Contingency Plans Involving Wine

THE proposed four day national rail strike will force millions of commuters across Britain to make alternative arrangements involving a load of wine, it emerged last night.