Jesus Was All Man, Say Protesters

PROTESTERS outside a play depicting Jesus as a transsexual, last night insisted the Son of God was a six foot four, rugby-playing, sexual dynamo.

Oiks Terrified

BRITAIN'S oiks were last night on the brink of surrender.

Teenage Boys Assure Surgery-Fixated Girls That They Would Totally Do Them

AS statistics reveal 50% of teenage girls want cosmetic surgery, a collective of teenage boys has said they'd happily finger them just as they are.

Griffin Could Make Our Electricity Racist, Claims Sellafield

BNP lunatic Nick Griffin has been banned from the Sellafield nuclear plant amid fears he could make Britain's electricity all racist and homophobic.

BA Staff Condemn Customers To Christmas With Their Families

STRIKE action by BA staff may force thousands of passengers to spend Christmas with their unbearable families, it emerged last night.

Twitter Users Dare You To Even Think It

JUST say whatever it was you were going to say and then let's see what happens next, Twitter users warned last night.

BNP Question Time To Replace Christmas For Guardian Readers

THE British National Party's annual appearance on Question Time is set to become the new festive season for Guardian readers.

Church Of Scientology Guilty Of Acting Like A Church

A FRENCH court's decision to fine the Church of Scientology for making outrageous promises based on absolutely nothing last night sent shockwaves of fear through the world's major religions.