Man slightly too far away to hold the door for

A MAN is not quite close enough to hold the door open for, it has been confirmed.

Six predictions of how lockdown would change everything that were total bollocks

BACK in April, everyone and his wife opined about how lockdown would change Britain forever according to their tastes. But it was bollocks. Here are some examples.

Couple buying £500k house really need that 15 grand from Rishi Sunak

A COUPLE about to spend half a million pounds on a house say life would be impossible without their gift of £15,000 from Rishi Sunak. 

The working-class guide to middle-class people

YOU’VE been forced to interact with one of the middle-classes. But who are they? What do they want? Was that thing they said meant to be funny?

West Country tells visitors to f**k off in case they're witches

RESIDENTS of the West Country are living in fear of holidaymakers in case they are witches who will turn them into toads.

Five guaranteed ways to be a twat in a park

BRITAIN’S most exciting new post-lockdown hobby is being a twat in a park. Here’s how to ignore social distancing, intimidate people and generally play the arsehole.

Your guide to the government's horrible, overpriced new-build homes

BORIS Johnson has promised to ‘build build build’ more affordable homes, which are bound to be tiny new flats you still can’t afford. Here’s what property developers have in mind.

Last mum to correct her children's Americanisms gives up

THE last British mum who dutifully corrects her children’s Americanisms has finally given up.

The new rules for school which children will unfailingly obey because that's what kids are like

THE government has outlined its new half-arsed rules for reopening schools which are impossible to follow and will be ignored. But what are they? 

Flat earth conspiracy theorists now claiming there is a 'female orgasm'

CONSPIRACY theorists that believe the earth is flat and 9-11 was an inside job are now claiming that there is such a thing as a ‘female orgasm’.

Mum never thought she'd be so desperate to visit a soft play centre

A WOMAN who has entertained her children in her own home for four months would give anything to ignore them in a soft play centre for two hours.

Escape from Leicester – have you got what it takes? Play our game

LEICESTER is no longer a city – it is a prison. But have you got what it takes to make it out?