Society

Man reports neighbours to police for having much better sex than him

A MAN reported his neighbours to the police after it emerged they were having much better sex than he has ever had.

How to be an idiot about wearing a poppy

DO you want to hijack an act of remembrance for your own purposes, or just be a general idiot about poppies? Here’s how.

Finally the riots, thinks Brexiter hearing fireworks

A BREXITER hearing fireworks going off has mistaken them for the pro-Brexit riots he is expecting to sweep the country.

Builders know you give them your sh*ttiest mugs

BUILDERS and plumbers have confirmed that they know full well they are given the oldest and ugliest mugs for their tea.

UK public transport still nowhere near being envy of anywhere in entire world

PUBLIC transport in the UK is still not the envy of any other place on Earth, research has confirmed.

Twat at front of queue deciding what to order

A TWAT who has reached the front of the queue after 25 minutes has finally started to decide what he wants.

Woman reading self-improvement books becoming much worse person

A WOMAN with a passion for self-improvement books is becoming an increasingly awful person, it has emerged.

Woman moves into loft to avoid family

A WOMAN has converted her loft space to avoid having to live with her family.

Getting into Second World War one of men’s four signs of ageing

DEVELOPING an interest in the Second World War is a telltale sign of ageing in men, scientists have confirmed.

We call them 'shaggin' wagons', say retirees with campervans

RETIREES have confirmed they love campervans because of all the non-stop freaky sex they enjoy in them.

Man puts he/him in Twitter bio in pathetic attempt to sound 'woke'

A MAN whose gender has never been in doubt is describing himself as ‘he/him’ on Twitter in a feeble attempt to impress people.

Middle class mum making sh*t political statement with child's Halloween costume

A MIDDLE CLASS mother is wondering which of her tepid political opinions to turn into a Halloween costume for her child.