DEBATE has been raging over what it means to be in the top five per cent of earners, but could you also be in the top five per cent of w*nkers?
A 38-YEAR-OLD father of two has confirmed that one of his closest friends does not deserve the status of 'uncle'.
BRITONS must currently overcome 43 separate instincts in order to leave their beds, it has emerged.
A NEIGHBOUR has confirmed that it is 'totally fine' and he is in no way annoyed about collecting your Amazon deliveries.
A WOMAN has a mysterious mental condition that causes her to forget directions immediately after being given them.
FOR some reason, boarding a train means you instantly become a magnet for twats. Here are some of the worst offenders.
A MAN who gets furious about the idea of paying slightly more tax has been told he can perform his own heart operations and tarmac some roads.
A MAN who has abstained from masturbation for 72 hours is acting as if he is the saviour of all mankind.
A letter of complaint to my child's school after her science project I spent weeks on didn't win a prize
I write to complain that my daughter Ellie’s recent science project, which I put a lot of effort into, has received no recognition whatsoever.
A TAXI driver is no longer even keeping up the pretence that he is concentrating on driving two tons of car and is busy doing other things.
A MOTHER-OF-TWO who had a rare moment of peace and quiet has been staggered by how inane her thoughts are.
A BABY'S habit of crying and defecating constantly are part of his 'quirky personality', it has been confirmed.