Man calling himself 'self-styled' expert is definitely a prick

A MAN describing himself as a ‘self-styled’ expert is without doubt a d*ckhead, researchers have confirmed.

How to cope with the rest of your life when you peaked at secondary school

WERE you incredibly popular aged 11-16 but have since become one more drop in humanity’s ocean? Here’s what to do to feel special again.

Woman who hasn't undone hair bun in four days about to learn a lesson

A 30 YEAR-OLD woman is about to learn a harsh lesson after failing to undo her hair bun for four days.

Traffic pulls over to let ambulance and BMW driver pass, thinks BMW driver

A BMW driver is pretty confident that traffic that pulled over to let an ambulance pass also wanted his progress to be unimpeded.

How to tell someone you don't want to hold their horrible baby

KNOW new parents? Then you’re probably being given their precious bundle of foul odours and screams to hold. Here’s how to get out of it.

Woman referring to dogs as boyfriend and girlfriend

A WOMAN is behaving as if two dogs are in a relationship, it has emerged.

Dad’s short cut adds 15 minutes to journey

A FATHER of teenage boys has dodged traffic by taking a rat-run that added 15 minutes to a 20-minute journey, his children have confirmed.

Elderly white man perfectly capable of deciding what is is racist or not, thank you

AN 68-YEAR-OLD white man has declared that he needs no assistance when it comes to determining what is racist, or, is almost always the case, not in the least racist.

What sort of denialism is right for you?

WOULD you like to refuse to accept well-established facts? Find out which form of denialism is best for you.

The highlights of the next decade, in advance

THE cultural and political highlights of the next ten years have been announced in advance to avoid anyone missing them.

Northern Tory voter can't wait for Middlesbrough to be like Hampstead

A NORTHERNER who voted Conservative is looking forward to his hometown of Middlesbrough becoming affluent, leafy and packed with intellectuals.

Man going back to live with parents for sheer joy of their company

A 30-YEAR-OLD man has gone back to live with his parents, insisting he really enjoys their company.