Nation still doing congas told to rely on its common sense

A COUNTRY forming celebratory conga lines as recently as this weekend has been told to use its innate common sense to figure out lockdown restrictions.

Captain Tom launches new fundraising appeal to do the Inca Trail

CAPTAIN Tom Moore has asked Britain to sponsor him on his latest charity drive to walk the Inca Trail in Peru.

School is one hour on app then five hours in garden, confirm kids

SCHOOL has been redefined for a generation as one hour plugged into an app followed by five hours in the garden, kids have confirmed.

Five middle-class household items your children can bang for the NHS

EVERYONE can clap for the NHS on a Thursday, but how can you show your middle-class support is that bit more select? By banging these.

Cocky foxes now running county councils

INCREASINGLY bolder urban foxes are so unafraid of humans they are now openly taking on public roles, it has been revealed.

Six reasons why ongoing social distancing will f**king rock

EVER hated holding a colleague’s new baby? Well, that’s over, and if social distancing is here to stay so are these.

Dog going to sniff so many arses when this is over

A ROTTWEILER has confirmed that he is going to go out there and sniff so much bottom once this whole crisis is over.

Five people you'll regret including in your social bubble

A RELAXATION of social distancing will give everyone a social bubble of a maximum ten people they are allowed to see. Which will you regret?

Five ways lockdown may exacerbate your natural Britishness

HALF the world is on lockdown, but only in these sceptre’d isles does it manifest like this. Which symptoms are you suffering from?

Mums' WhatsApp group sharing helpful tips on freebasing

A GROUP of mums are supporting each other through lockdown by pooling their knowledge about getting high.

Britain rushes off to rubbish tips to get pissed

THE reopening of Britain’s rubbish tips has seen thousands of people head down there to dispose of a fridge and get wrecked.

Twat with stupid car finding lockdown perfect opportunity to be extra dickish

A MAN with a fast, noisy car is treating the quiet roads of lockdown like his own personal racetrack.