'I'm saving so much money!' says twat who can't read the room

A TONE-DEAF twat is excitedly sharing how much money he is saving during the lockdown.

Mother has new appreciation of what's important and it's childcare

A MOTHER of two children under five has realised that nothing is more vital to a happy life than someone else looking after the kids.

Cat considering charging you rent

A CAT has confirmed that it is considering charging its owner rent to cover the amount of time he is spending in its house.

A garden, and four other lockdown status symbols

LAST year the garden was nothing more than somewhere to send your mates who still smoke, but in 2020 it’s a key indicator of superiority.

Coronavirus or Brexit: which are we handling worse?

IF f**cking things up were a race, Britain’s approaches to Brexit and coronavirus would be neck and neck. Here’s why:

FaceWine, Secluedo and other twatty new words we can blame on coronavirus

THE worst thing about coronavirus is new words created by twats to refer to lockdown experiences. Here are some you should never say.

The rural guide to hating second-home owners

LIVE in a small, pretty village and bloody furious about some London bastard turning up with their kids in tow? Here’s how to let them know.

Calling wanking 'exercise', and the other lockdown habits you'll never lose

AS normal life begins to recede into the rear-view mirror, here are five new habits of lockdown well worth sticking with:

The five neighbours you'll regret getting to know

YOU’VE nodded for years, but finally you’re getting to know your neighbours. Here are five reasons why you will regret that.

Immigrants coming here, running our health service, saving our bloody lives

ACROSS Britain, people are ranting about the bloody immigrants coming here, becoming doctors, nurses and surgeons, saving us from a pandemic.

Illness, unemployment or reruns of Only Fools and Horses: which worst case scenario are you preparing for?

AS Britain braces itself for the pandemic to continue, fears are growing about just how bad things could get. Here are some worst case scenarios to plan for.

Are you a concerned neighbour or a petty-minded little busybody?

ARE you calling the police to report your neighbour going out twice because you’re a good citizen or to get revenge for their dog shitting on your doorstep in 2008? Take our quiz.