A CONDOM machine in a village pub longs for the touch of a human hand, it has confirmed.
A WOMAN who once spent £85 on a Princess Diana memorial plate from the back of magazine believes that young people are bad with money.
A CHILD has been left traumatised after seeing one of his teachers in the supermarket during the school holidays.
‘THE elites’ are criticised for their power and influence by right-wingers everywhere. But could you be a member of this treacherous group of liberals? Read our guide.
A MAN who says "Is anyone really surprised by this?" in response to every piece of appalling or shocking news is beginning to annoy the f*ck out of people.
HARDY Northern folk aren’t scared of a few feet of cold water and collapsing bridges. Here Northerner Roy Hobbs explains how to carry on as normal.
A NEW limited edition of Monopoly aimed at baby boomers gives them a free house on every square and £3,000 in pension cash whenever they pass Go.
FAILED to achieve something? It can’t be your fault; after all, you voted Remain. It must be Brexit. Here’s how.
A FOX hunter has confirmed that, while his preferred sport may be controversial, at least the clothes make him look a right dildo
A MAN is completely certain that everyone apart from him drives like a total w*nker, it has emerged.
A MAN who says “I’m not being funny” is never about to say something funny and is just going to be an unpleasant dick about something.
BRITAIN should be grey and wet to the touch, but sometimes, against all logic, it isn’t. Here’s how to cope with the wrong weather: