ONE great privilege of living in an overcrowded, overpriced city is hearing visitors' stunningly original observations about it. Here are five remarks Londoners just love.
ARE you struggling to understand what puce-faced patriots are jabbering on about? Clear up the confusion with these translations of popular gammon phrases.
WITH a Covid clampdown in the North likely, Yorkshire resident Martin Bishop explains what will happen with a large dose of sentimentality and a chip on his shoulder.
HAVE you managed to achieve emotional contentment or are you merely a cretin? Take our quiz and find out.
ARE you able to express yourself naturally and directly with no hint of apology? How dreadful. Here’s how to politely fail to say anything in a middle-class way instead:
IT’S Black History Month, so white people who couldn’t give a f**k the other 11 months of the year are suddenly history buffs. Let fork-lift driver Stephen Malley run you through it.
The last thing anyone wants is a spontaneous chat with someone they know. Here's how to avoid unnecessary interactions with acquaintances.
THANKS to the government the twat pool at weddings is temporarily a little shallower. However, you'll still find the following people at every single wedding:
HAVE you been cornered by a nutter who believes Donald Trump is the secret saviour of trafficked children who are imprisoned in the basement of pizza shop?
ARE your beliefs a pack of nonsense which conveniently fits with your own prejudices? Check if they’re any of the following.
BRITAIN is almost feeling sorry for the plight of students for the first time since records began, it has emerged.
A TWAT has challenged the concept of Black History Month by asking why there is not one for twats like himself.