Society

Home-schooling mum reporting herself to Ofsted

A MOTHER attempting to teach her children at home has reported herself to Ofsted as ‘inadequate’.

How to make everything into a drama, by a three year-old

YOGHURT the wrong way round? Given a spoon you don’t like? Make it into a massive drama with this handy guide.

Are you thick or are the schools having a f**king laugh? Take our quiz

THE return of homeschooling has once again seen educated, high-earning professionals wondering if they are actually shit-thick. Take our quiz and find out.

Children naturally awful

CHILDREN are dreadful regardless of whether they have had sugar, it has emerged.

PTA mum starts bossing herself around

WITH no one else to organise or pressure into taking part in tedious fundraising events, a PTA mum has started bossing herself around.

Get bikes off the road, says motorist who also opposes cycle lanes

A DRIVER who believes cyclists are a menace he should not share a road with is also dead against cycle lanes, he has confirmed.

Pigeons working-class, RSPB admits

THE Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has admitted that pigeons are a rough bunch of bastards who bring the other birds down.

Plumber sick of everyone coming to him with bloody plumbing problems

A PLUMBER who works 12 hours a day, seven days a week to keep up with demand wishes people would stop pestering him with bloody jobs they want doing.

I am ready to accept your apologies, says Brexiter

A BREXITER has big-heartedly agreed to accept apologies from Remainers for all their terrible lies and smears.

'I'm thriving in lockdown!' and other phrases no one needs to hear right now

WITH 2021 getting off to a miserable start, here are some tone-deaf phrases to use if you want to make the situation even worse.

Why it's fine that exams are cancelled because they mean nothing: a teacher explains

GCSES and A-levels are cancelled and I, your teacher Mr Logan, will be deciding your grades based on one term’s work and my grudges. Which is fine because qualifications are bollocks.

Rationing bog rolls, and other ways 2021 could be even worse

AS we start a new year, everyone is convinced 2021 cannot possibly be as bad as 2020. They're right. It could be worse.