Society

Man looking forward to seeing what he got his mum for Christmas

A MAN will see his mother’s face light up at his present to her at the same time as he finds out what that present is, having delegated all present-buying to his wife.

Man thinking

People swap food bank vouchers for drugs, and other bullshit idiots believe

BRITONS will believe any old shite that fits their prejudices. Watch out for these examples of spurious bollocks.  

Woman out Christmas shopping appalled at people out Christmas shopping

A WOMAN out Christmas shopping is shocked and angered by the number of other people doing exactly the same.

'You're looking well' and other insults that sound like compliments

UNSURE if you’ve just been showered with praise or secretly insulted? If you’ve heard any of these phrases, you’ve just been covertly put down.

Britain's Lush stores full of awkward boyfriends out of their depth

HORDES of bewildered boyfriends are milling around Lush desperately seeking Christmas gifts for their partners.

Six signs everyone thinks you're a f**king terrible driver

DOES anyone getting into your car first ask questions about whether it has working airbags? Then you’re the kind of driver everyone hates being in a car with. These are the signs.

Cat fuming that his name was on family Christmas card

A FAMILY cat is livid that his name was added to all the Christmas cards sent by his household without his permission.

Brexiter

Five good things Brexit has already given me as a Leaver

IT looks like we're just hours away from crashing out of the EU without a deal and finally getting our country back. Here are some of the wonderful benefits we’ve already had from Brexit.

New car essential for superiority reasons, confirms school-run mum

A WOMAN has confirmed she needs a giant SUV to demonstrate that she earns more than the rest of the parents in her son’s class.

Hating the Germans and other things Brits should just let go of now

BRITAIN has a proud history of dwelling on the past. But as we enter the season of goodwill here are some things we as a nation should probably have let go of a while back.

A day in the wretched life of a Red Wall voter, by a Guardian writer

NOT many people have heard of Clecksleydale in Yorkshire, the obscure Red Wall town where Martin Bishop was brought up and now endures a daily living hell. 

'Nailing' and other words arseholes use for 'having sex'

IF you love telling everyone about your sexual exploits you’re probably already a bit of a tosser. But if you use any of the following terms you’re definitely a prize arsehole.