Dog decides which owner he'd eat if he really had to

A COUPLE’S pet dog is lying at their feet and deciding which of them he would kill and eat if he had absolutely no option.

Five incredibly stupid opinions that will get you a standing ovation in the pub

DO you fancy being being popular down the pub by spouting idiotic crowd-pleasing opinions? Here are some great ones to try.

Teenager fails to include word 'legit' in text message

A TEENAGER has committed a terrible faux pas by forgetting to include the word ‘legit’ in a text message. 

The Northerner's guide to proving your Northernness

BEING Northern isn’t a geographical thing - it’s a state of mind. Whether you live in Sheffield, Shelby or Skipton, here’s how not to be a soft Southern ponce.

Drivers over 70 only allowed to drive at night

DRIVERS who have had their licences for 50 years or more are only to be allowed to drive between the hours of 11pm and 6am. 

Which tw*ts are coming to your school reunion?

IT’S traditional for school reunions to only be attended by people you didn’t like. So which t*ssers from the past can you expect to see?

Kids sent home from school with whole year's worth of sh*t

CHILDREN are unexpectedly appearing at the school gates with a full year’s worth of books, artwork, homework and all the other crap, parents have confirmed.

Holding up traffic best part of tractor driver's day

A TRACTOR driver holding up a long queue of traffic on an A-road has admitted he is absolutely f**king loving it.

Self-help book really giving woman the confidence to bang on about her problems

A POP psychology book has really helped a woman unburden herself of her trivial, tedious problems to everyone she meets.

Are you a far-right extremist or were you just picked last for football in school?

FILLED with hate? Directing it at vulnerable targets? You could be a neo-Nazi, or you could be kicking out at the world because Darren Jackson always got picked before you at football.

Tommy Robinson's guide to how the law is racist against white people

HELLO. I’m Tommy Robinson, like the jam that used to have golliwogs on and they should bring back. But did you know our legal system is biased against white people? Here’s how.

How to be a tw*t on public transport during the hot weather

ARE you an antisocial public transport user? If so, summer provides some excellent opportunities to antagonise people. Here are some ideas.