The bellend's guide to winning the Lottery

IF you win the Lottery it’s traditional to make a series of terrible life decisions and somehow end up skint. Follow our guide to squandering your fantastic opportunity.

'Donate Notre Dame money to different charity' says man who has never donated to anything

A MAN who has never given money to charity has decided there are worthier causes than Notre Dame Cathedral.

Man's high IQ has not stopped him wanking on about it

A MAN with a very high IQ score has not used his intelligence to realise that everyone would like him to shut the fuck up about it.

Five ways to avoid swearing in front of your f**king annoying kids

DO you struggle to get through a whole day with your children without dropping the F-bomb on the little shits? Read our guide.

Your guide to Britain's bullshit 'culture war'

ARE you totally confused by the ‘culture war’ people keep talking about? Here we explain this enormous load of bollocks in detail.

Millennials cosplaying as homeowners

A NEW form of cosplay encourages millennials to dress up as homeowners.

Families gather to sing jolly songs about brutal execution

FAMILIES have joined together to sing jolly little songs about the time a man was brutally nailed to a cross.

Protesting is latest fad for middle class people who want to be different

MIDDLE CLASS people will spend the summer protesting about things to prove they are not typically middle class.

DIY dads to f**k up Britain

THE UK’s DIY dads have got their toolboxes out of the garage and are going to spend the next four days attempting to fix the problems facing Britain.

Should you correct that person's f**king awful grammar?

WHEN a person makes a grammatical mistake it’s tempting to correct them, to help them learn and make yourself feel clever. But should you? Read our guide.

How to pretend there's such a thing as being completely English

DEVASTATED to learn Stonehenge was built by Turkish migrants with imposing moustaches? Here’s how to reassert your fantasy that being a pure blood English native is a thing.

Was this the bus journey from hell or just a bus journey?

WERE you on the bus journey from the depths of Hades itself, or just a harrowing, soul-crushing everyday British bus journey?