A FRIENDSHIP has come to a close with the words 'Let’s just pay for what we had', it has been confirmed.
TWO colleagues are going to the pub after work for just one quick bitch about the bastards in their office.
A MAN who everyone says is ‘good with children’ would be a horribly incompetent father, it has emerged.
ARE you a right-wing bellend who thinks racism against white people is a genuine problem? Here’s how to enjoy a pleasing sense of victimhood.
A TALL man behaves as if his above-average height is some sort of achievement, people have noticed.
A MAN buying a Valentines-themed meal deal in Asda is unlikely to get to use the condoms he’s also purchasing.
A WOMAN who keeps her house clean and tidy has a car like a dustbin, it has emerged.
A WOMAN is finding her latest bout of cystitis is a welcome distraction from Brexit.
A BMW driver has been hospitalised after more than a minute’s exposure to music that was neither classic nor rock.
RELATIVES of 84-year-old Mary Fisher have given her a ring just to check she hasn't died or anything.
PRINCE Philip has given up his fighter pilot’s license at the relatively young age of 97.
A GROUP of local twats is pissed off with a different group of twats, it has been confirmed.