The barber's guide to being a pain in the a*se

ARE you a barber? Do you make haircuts as awkward as possible? Here’s a few things to try.

Controversial houseshare advert specifies 'no d*ckheads'

AN advertisement for a fourth person to share a London flat has sparked controversy by asking d*ckheads not to apply.

Should you get a pension or just hold out for the collapse of civilisation?

IS IT worth putting money aside for retirement, or will you spend your twillight years heading for higher ground to escape the floods and hoping to catch an edible leech?

Nostalgic Glastonbury TV viewer wistfully pisses in bottle

A MAN who has become too old to go to Glastonbury is watching the highlights on TV and sadly urinating in a bottle that he intends to hurl at the wall.

Millennials and baby boomers competing to be worst b*stards ever

TODAY’S younger generation and baby boomers are battling to be the bigger pack of cosseted, useless, whiny, awful tw*ts, it has emerged.

Britain was just brilliant around the 2012 Olympics, insist idiots

CRETINS are remembering the summer of 2012, when David Cameron was prime minister and the UK was two years into austerity, as some kind of Golden Age.

Londoner hates everywhere outside of London too

A LONDONER would love to leave London if everywhere he visited outside of London was not equally sh*t, he has admitted.

The office worker's guide to having a depressing lunchtime 'picnic'

ARE you going to eat your sad Boots Meal Deal sandwich outside in a pathetic attempt to enjoy the sunshine? Read our guide to pretending it is some kind of picnic.

Couple stuck in passive-aggressive tit-for-tat wedding invite nightmare

A COUPLE are obliged to invite people they do not like to their wedding simply because they have previously watched them get married.

Public schools still top for producing bastards

INDEPENDENT schools are still better than state schools at cultivating high-quality bastards, it has emerged.

Walking in same direction after saying goodbye 'most stressful thing possible'

WALKING in the same direction as someone after you have already said goodbye is the most stressful experience you can possibly have, experts have confirmed.

Worst person you know sharing inspirational quotes again

THE worst person you have ever met is once again posting images with inspirational quotes over them on your social media feed.