A letter of complaint to my child's school after her science project I spent weeks on didn't win a prize

I write to complain that my daughter Ellie’s recent science project, which I put a lot of effort into, has received no recognition whatsoever.

Taxi driver not even pretending to focus on driving

A TAXI driver is no longer even keeping up the pretence that he is concentrating on driving two tons of car and is busy doing other things.

Mum gets minute to hear herself think and is hugely disappointed

A MOTHER-OF-TWO who had a rare moment of peace and quiet has been staggered by how inane her thoughts are.

Baby's 'quirky personality' consists of crying and sh*tting

A BABY'S habit of crying and defecating constantly are part of his 'quirky personality', it has been confirmed.

How to be a friend who gives sh*t advice

WOULD you like to be one of those annoying friends who gives terrible advice about situations you don’t understand? Follow this guide.

How to be an offended baby boomer

DO you feel you’re being unfairly attacked for being a baby boomer, despite believing anyone with a grievance is a ‘snowflake’? Here’s what to do.

Driving fast through puddles best thing about being an adult

SPLASHING water everywhere while driving along waterlogged roads is the key to peak happiness in adulthood, a survey has found.

Man had forgotten that next four months suck absolute balls

A MAN has just remembered that living in Britain between the beginning of November and the end of February is a total f**king nightmare. 

Train station piano sorry about all the twats

A TRAIN station piano has apologised for all of the performances made by attention-seeking twats.

Man politely asks that you respect his grotesque, idiotic opinions

A 31-year-old man has politely asked that you please respect his crazy, utterly idiotic opinions.

Woman books vague suggestion of possibility of train seat reservation

A WOMAN has booked a train seat reservation online, safe in the knowledge that it is probably meaningless.

Man reports neighbours to police for having much better sex than him

A MAN reported his neighbours to the police after it emerged they were having much better sex than he has ever had.