Guardian readers' children fear outbreak of homeschooling

SCHOOL closures due to the coronavirus could lead to extremely condescending lessons at home, the children of middle-class liberals fear.

Cultured friend knows how to harass women in French

A MAN is such a continental sophisticate that he can catcall passing women in fluent French, his impressed mates have confirmed.

I am the bog roll king

I AM king of the bog roll. I sit on a throne built from 24-packs of only the softest, most absorbant loo paper. None may challenge my reign.

The Daily Mail guide to how the coronavirus will affect house prices

WHAT Britons really want to know is: will the coronavirus affect the value of my house? Here Daily Mail property editor Nikki Hollis answers your questions.

Northerners celebrate beginning of summer

THE rugged inhabitants of the North have welcomed the start of summer with open arms.

New 'Oodles O'Scratchcards' scratchcard realistic about where winnings will go

A NEW scratchcard has dropped images of yachts and palm trees in favour of what winners will actually spend their money on.

Student pulls all-nighter to figure out why he chose English degree

A THIRD-YEAR student has pulled an all-night session to finally work out what he thought an English Literature degree would be good for.

How to be a jolly good dad, by Boris Johnson

HELLO, Britain. Boris here. You’ve probably heard that I’m about to become a father. Well, being a good dad is a lot like running the country. Here’s how I do it.

Boris-Carrie wedding to be Harry and Meghan done right

THE Downing Street wedding is to be a better, less ungrateful do-over of 2018’s upsetting Royal wedding, Conservatives have confirmed.

No return to the 70s, says man who bought house for £20,000 in 1973

A MAN has warned against any return to the decade from which he benefited enormously.

Parents 'lose six years of their lives getting everyone in the f**king car'

PARENTS waste six years of their lives getting their children into the f**king car, research has confirmed.

Six deeply odd things that were normal if you were an 80s kid

MIDDLE-AGED? Do you sometimes notice that life is less weird than when you were growing up? What happened to these things?