Personalised number plates only 100% effective way to identify twats

A PERSONALISED number plate is the only sure-fire way to identify a twat, experts have confirmed.

How to cope with Brexit anxiety instead of just getting really f**king angry

DO YOU awaken every day with a gnawing feeling of dread and impotent rage about the country going to the dogs, whichever way you voted?

Two grown men high-five each other in public

A PAIR of adult men have high-fived each other in a cafe seemingly without either irony of self-consciousness, witnesses have confirmed.

Phone footage shows pleasant chat on tube

AN unidentified woman has been filmed amiably conversing with a stranger on the London Underground.  

Idiot bans his kids from playing Xbox

A FATHER who banned his children from playing Xbox cannot believe how much work he has made for himself, he has admitted.

The five most annoying ways to invade someone's personal space

DO you think it’s fun to stand very close to someone in a lift? Here are some other ways to be incredibly irritating and creepy.

How to be a twat about your regional identity

ARE you fiercely proud of your regional identity even though it’s totally arbitrary and extremely tedious? Here’s how to be a twat about it.

Gran who won’t say 'bloody' in favour of mass deportations

A PENSIONER who cannot bring herself to say even the mildest swear words has no problem with rounding people up and deporting them.

The squaddie's guide to things you pretty obviously shouldn't be doing

ARE you in the army but sometimes feel you’re doing things that might be considered ‘wrong’ or ‘mental’? Here are some activities to avoid.

Man consults Screwfix catalogue as if it were the I Ching

A MAN uses the Screwfix catalogue to find reliable shelf brackets and answers to the great mysteries of life, it has emerged.

Man thinks of most stupid thing possible and realises it will be government's next move

A MAN who came up with the most idiotic possible way out of the Brexit crisis has realised it will without doubt be what the government does next. 

MPs to choose between customs union, second referendum and how the f**k did you get to the end of this sentence?

MPs will today hold a second series of indicative votes on Brexit and hello? Are you still there?