Society

Child with 'Santa truther' parents about to f**k shit up on playground

A CHILD whose parents have told him the truth about Santa is about create utter chaos in a school playground.

'All is forgiven' say poor people as Duncan-Smith donates tin of peas to food bank

BRITAIN’S least well off have hailed Ian Duncan-Smith after he donated an entire tin of peas to a food bank.

Seven people getting the broadband speed they pay for

A FEW people in Britain are getting the broadband speed that was in the advert, according to new research.

If they don't control immigration I'll move to a different country, says Brexiter

A BREXITER has vowed to leave the country for some unspecified destination of his own free choosing if the government do not do something about immigration.

'Naughty list' is clearly bullshit, say children

CHILDREN who have been little shits all year know full well they will get presents anyway, it has been confirmed.

Child's letter to Santa 'f**king useless'

A CHILD’S letter to Santa is full of insane shit and contains nothing within the right price range, his parents have revealed.  

Woman late for work after stopping to stroke a cat for 10 minutes

A WOMAN was 10 minutes late for work after stopping to stroke a friendly cat in the street.

Rock'n'roll continues to be least rock'n'roll thing in the world

EVERYTHING is now rock'n'roll except rock'n'roll itself, it has emerged.

Man thought parents were getting up to leave, but they were just making more tea

A MAN has stared into the abyss after believing his parents were finally leaving only for them to begin making another pot of tea.

Student prepared to find out just how 'unconditional' university offer is

A STUDENT offered an 'unconditional' place at university is determined to test just how unconditional it really is, she has confirmed.

Kid who screamed for two hours because he didn't want the blue cup resents implication he's tired

A BOY who lost his shit because his mum gave him juice in the blue cup and not the green cup claims he is not in the slightest bit tired.

Boyfriend has six pairs of Nike Air Max and two pairs of underpants

A MAN who has six pairs of Nike Air Max trainers has only two pairs of underpants, his girlfriend has confirmed.