FULL stop usage is being suspended indefinitely now that most people end every single written sentence with ‘lol’.
RESPONSIBLE teachers have informed their Year 11 pupils that their exams will determine which of them succeed or fail for the next 70-80 years.
MALE fashion mannequins are to be more realistic, including at least one hand rammed permanently down the front of their trousers.
UNLESS you’re a model, pop star or on Love Island, breastfeeding in public is often frowned upon. Follow these rules to protect the population from a hideous glimpse of breast.
A WOMAN’S many problems all seem to be related to how attractive, successful and generous she is, people have noticed.
A MAN who voted for Brexit has confirmed that the small group of fairies at the bottom of his garden could sort this whole mess out if only they were given a chance.
AFTER the success of ‘sleeps’ and ‘holibobs’, the world’s idiots have decided more twee words and phrases are needed. Here are the latest ones.
PEOPLE who intimidate other drivers by getting right up their arse were never hugged by their mums, it has been confirmed.
THE ‘deep divisions in society’ caused by Brexit are actually just various twats moaning on about stuff, experts now believe.
GRANDPARENTS looking after their grandchildren over half-term have no idea what attraction they are visiting today and could not care less, they have confirmed.
A COUNCIL representing Britain’s 11-year-olds has convened to ratify which swear words they will be using over the next 12 months.
BREXITERS’ passionate opposition to a second referendum is definitely not because of fear they would lose, they have confirmed.