A PERSONALISED number plate is the only sure-fire way to identify a twat, experts have confirmed.
DO YOU awaken every day with a gnawing feeling of dread and impotent rage about the country going to the dogs, whichever way you voted?
A PAIR of adult men have high-fived each other in a cafe seemingly without either irony of self-consciousness, witnesses have confirmed.
AN unidentified woman has been filmed amiably conversing with a stranger on the London Underground.
A FATHER who banned his children from playing Xbox cannot believe how much work he has made for himself, he has admitted.
DO you think it’s fun to stand very close to someone in a lift? Here are some other ways to be incredibly irritating and creepy.
ARE you fiercely proud of your regional identity even though it’s totally arbitrary and extremely tedious? Here’s how to be a twat about it.
A PENSIONER who cannot bring herself to say even the mildest swear words has no problem with rounding people up and deporting them.
ARE you in the army but sometimes feel you’re doing things that might be considered ‘wrong’ or ‘mental’? Here are some activities to avoid.
A MAN uses the Screwfix catalogue to find reliable shelf brackets and answers to the great mysteries of life, it has emerged.
A MAN who came up with the most idiotic possible way out of the Brexit crisis has realised it will without doubt be what the government does next.
MPs to choose between customs union, second referendum and how the f**k did you get to the end of this sentence?
MPs will today hold a second series of indicative votes on Brexit and hello? Are you still there?