Twitter Trial Judge Issues Arrest Warrant For Wile E. Coyote
A LEADING circuit judge has today issued an arrest warrant for hungry cartoon predator Wile E Coyote.
Jacqueline Davies said there was now clear evidence that Mr Coyote intended to commit murder and should be arrested and held on remand until a trial date can be set.
Judge Davies said: “Mr Coyote’s recent purchase of a giant crossbow is clear indication of menace.”
But lawyers for Mr Coyote said that not only had his early attempts to use the crossbow ended with him smashing head-first into a cliff, he was also just a cartoon.
Stephen Malley QC said: “My client – and the alleged target of his aggression – are the result of thousands of individual drawings which have been photographed and then screened in rapid succession.
“We are sure that if the court watches all 48 of Mr Coyote’s adventures in their entirety it will become apparent that not only is he unlikely to commit the murder, he was never supposed to.
“Additionally, the series of unsuccessful purchases Mr Coyote makes from the Acme Company underline not only his inability to commit the murder, but suggest that my client and his alleged target are merely the subjects of some short, animated films in which the normal rules of physics and biology are suspended.”
But Judge Davies said: “The nature of Mr Coyote’s existence and the efficacy of his methods are both irrelevant. It is his stated intentions that have brought him before this court.
“And if counsel insists on maintaining the position that a cartoon character is somehow physically and psychologically incapable of attempted murder, I would urge him to examine my summing up in the Crown versus Fudd.”