Assange to escape from police at the top of some stairs

POLICE today said they expected Wikileaks founder Julian Assange to attempt an escape, probably at the top of a long flight of stairs.

Always the best place to start escaping

Following Mr Assange’s arrest, Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson confirmed there would be nothing they could do if he broke free but then accidentally tripped and hit every step on the way down.

Stephenson said Mr Assange would be held for questioning at a central London police station but due to a problem with the central heating they would have to keep moving him between floors.

He added: “Unfortunately the lifts are going to be broken the entire time he is custody.”

He said: “I wish Mr Assange was not going to break his neck later this afternoon, but there is nothing my officers can do to stop him.

“They will shout something like ‘hey you’ or ‘stop escaping’ but he will be too quick for them.

“Also he will have forgotten to tie his shoelaces.”

Sir Paul dismissed claims that the arrest was political but admitted international warrants were controversial and that it would have been more efficient to use the British system of pretending Mr Assange is a Brazilian electrician.

Meanwhile governments across the world were celebrating Mr Assange’s arrest and imminent escape, stressing that history proves if you focus all your efforts on stopping one man then the thing you don’t like will just go away.