FANATICS who use the internet as a platform for militant Scrabulism will be hunted down like wild pigs, the Home Office said last night.
WAR is perfect for soothing away the niggling aches and strains of modern life, the British Army said last night.
AIRLINES are to lift the ban on KY and other proprietary sex lubricants, under new security regulations introduced today.
BRITAIN was huddled close together last night as the first snowfall of winter launched a massive assault on our cherished way of life.
BRITAIN'S security services have implanted a chip in every iPod and now have detailed records of everyone's taste in music, MI5 agents told Radio 1 last night.
SQUADS of bikini-clad women are to be positioned outside airports in a bid to deter fanatical Islamic terrorists.
METROPOLITAN Police Commissioner Sir Ian Blair has refused to resign despite setting fire to a tramp in central London.
A GROUP of senior Islamic clerics has written to Pope Benedict XVI calling for the world's two biggest faiths to find common cause over their obsessive hatred of gay people.
PRINCE William is to spend three years asking junior members of the armed forces what it is they do.
FOREIGN secretary David Miliband has revealed how he jumped on top of Tony Blair in a desperate bid to stop the invasion of Iraq.
BRITISH troops returning from combat in Iraq and Afghanistan are to receive a free turnip, the government has announced.
KID Nation, the US reality TV show, has formed an army and declared war on Disneyland.