LEGO characters are arming themselves in preparation for wiping all Playmobil figures from the face of the earth.
A PERFECTLY rational man is planning to build a nuclear fallout shelter after reading about Donald Trump’s presidential nomination.
DAVID Cameron and Nigel Farage have gone into battle over who is the biggest ponce.
BADGERS faced with further culls have received combat training from a grizzled honey badger.
CHEERING crowds packed the streets of Britain yesterday as the nation finally got the war it has wanted for so very long.
HOME Secretary Theresa May will press ahead with plans to look at everyone's photos.
ANY future prime minister must be willing to guarantee the total destruction of the UK in a nuclear war.
REFUSING to accept unwanted compliments about your appearance is exactly how Hitler got started, the Daily Mail has warned.
THE new Cold War with Scotland has intensified with the discovery of radio transmitters in shortbread.
DAVID Cameron has insisted bombing Libya and then forgetting about it was an act of statesmanship.
THE Tories have pledged to spend £100bn on a new batch of nuclear weapons and use them.
RUSSIA’S new supersonic bomber is part of its bid to have all the best Top Trumps cards, according to experts.