THE Army is kicking in doors across Britain today in the search for extreme vacuum cleaners.
AGGRESSIVE swans are to replace Britain’s nuclear arsenal.
THE London art installation commemorating the First World War is being used as a beacon by an approaching alien armada.
MANKIND has commemorated World War One with armed conflicts around the planet.
ISRAEL has reached out to Palestinians with the offer of a ceasefire lasting almost nine seconds.
BRITAIN’S leading 1950s newspaper has provided a fashion rundown of female Palestinians fleeing airstrikes.
SCOTLAND'S official uniform for the Commonwealth Games is intended to start a war with England.
THE Queen has destroyed Britain’s newest aircraft carrier after hitting it with a bottle of whisky.
OVER 5,000 people have been killed in a field in a faithful re-enactment of the Battle of Bannockburn.
THE government is planing to invade the tiny nation of Andorra to rebuild national pride.
THE UK’s intelligence agency is using Twitter to ask if anyone has any terrorist stuff going on this weekend.
AMERICA is wondering if it should invade Iraq to prevent the country from descending into a bloody civil war.