War

Pretty much everything a threat to global security

SCOTTISH independence, ISIS, the Ebola virus and the performance of Chetna on The Great British Bake-Off are all significant risks to global security.

Airstrikes to solve everything

NEW US airstrikes on Syria will restore peace in the region with no further complications, rubble or death.

NATO to arm ISIL to fight ISIS

NATO has agreed to provide arms to radical Islamic group ISIL in the hope they can halt the spread of ISIS.

Hitler ‘like Hitler’

THE dictator who presided over the Third Reich was just like Hitler, it has been claimed.

Army in house to house search for dangerous Hoovers

THE Army is kicking in doors across Britain today in the search for extreme vacuum cleaners.

Swans to replace Trident

AGGRESSIVE swans are to replace Britain’s nuclear arsenal.

Column of light is beacon for alien invaders

THE London art installation commemorating the First World War is being used as a beacon by an approaching alien armada.

Humanity marks WW1 anniversary with wars

MANKIND has commemorated World War One with armed conflicts around the planet.

Israel offers eight-second ceasefire

ISRAEL has reached out to Palestinians with the offer of a ceasefire lasting almost nine seconds.

Daily Mail rates the outfits of Gaza Strip refugees

BRITAIN’S leading 1950s newspaper has provided a fashion rundown of female Palestinians fleeing airstrikes.

Commonwealth Games uniform designed to trigger war

SCOTLAND'S official uniform for the Commonwealth Games is intended to start a war with England.

Queen destroys aircraft carrier

THE Queen has destroyed Britain’s newest aircraft carrier after hitting it with a bottle of whisky.