War

Doctors to check for anyone who looks a bit bomb-y

HOME Secretary Theresa May has asked GPs to check if any of their patients look like they might blow up soon.

Jesus tells Archbishop to shut it

CHRIST the Saviour has told the Archbishop of Canterbury to stop being such a pansy.

Anger as millions denied chance to look at Bin Laden's brain instead of working

MILLIONS of people across the world have been denied the chance to use up the best part of their morning staring at the gloopy contents of Osama Bin Laden's ruptured head.

We will recover from this, pledge fearmongers

THE death of Osama Bin Laden is a temporary glitch, purveyors of top quality fear have insisted.

Greggs sausage rolls rebel against humanity

BRITAIN'S favourite pastry snacks have announced that 'they are the masters now'.

British submarines 'can't go underwater'

BRITAIN's multi-billion pound Trident submarines do not work underwater, secret files have revealed.

Afghans face three month RAF waiting list

AFGHAN civilians are facing a three month wait to be blown to smithereens, it has emerged.

Britain grants asylum to hilariously-named terrorist

BRITAIN last night offered safe haven to Colonel Gaddafi's charmingly-named terrorist sidekick.

I kind of assumed you're trying to kill me, says Gaddafi

COLONEL Gaddafi last night decided to just go ahead and assume that we are actively trying to kill him.

Planes kill baddies

LOTS of people died in Libya last night, but it's okay because they were baddies.

UN backs Radio 1 regime change

THE United Nations security council has paved the way for air strikes against Chris Moyles.

What gives? asks Tony the Prick

GOOMBA sleazeball Tony 'the Prick' Blair was being questioned today about his role in the Iraq war scamola.