War
Assange to escape from police at the top of some stairs
POLICE today said they expected Wikileaks founder Julian Assange to
attempt an escape, probably at the top of a long flight of stairs.
Just because we're crushing Wikileaks, it doesn't mean you're next, say governments
GOVERNMENTS around the world today stressed that just because they are trying to crush Wikileaks to death, it does not necessarily mean that you will be next.
Airport Scanner Pics Disappoint Masturbators
THESE airport x-ray images that were supposed to show full-frontal nudity are very disappointing, creepy masturbators said last night.
British General Stopped Russians From Killing James Blunt
A BRITISH general's intervention to stop World War III may also have prevented the destruction of James Blunt, it emerged last night.
MI5 Headquarters 'In A Right State'
A FAILURE to recruit female operatives has led to MI5's offices becoming a complete tip, it emerged last night.
Let's Make The War On Terror More Of A Contest, Says Ba Boss
AIRPORT security should be relaxed in a bid to make the war on terror more interesting, the chairman of British Airways has claimed.
Defence Cuts Will Lead To Massive Wasp Attack, Warns Fox
DEFENCE secretary Liam Fox has warned that cuts to Britain's defence budget will leave the country open to attack from massive foreign wasps that do not share our values.
Massive Gig To Explain Pointlessness Of Afghan War
AN estimated 60,000 fans are to gather at Wembley Stadium for a series of charity lectures on the intractable nature of the war in Afghanistan.
We've Got Lasers Now, Says Navy
WE'VE got bloody lasers and everything now, the Royal Navy said last night.
Support Grows For Retro Falklands War
A MAJORITY of Britons would support a retro, 80s-style war with Argentina, especially if it was narrated by Stuart Maconie, it emerged last night.
MI5 Has Been Trying To Keep Things Secret, Says Judge
BRITAIN'S top judge has accused the secret service of trying to keep everything a big secret.
Bin Laden Deserves A Hefty Fine, Says Cherie Blair
OSAMA Bin Laden would find himself at the sharp end of a £200 fine if he was tried in a British court, Cherie Blair said last night.