DEFENCE cuts could see Britain's armed forces being made up of Minotaurs, winged horses and nightmarish un-dead demons from Hellraiser, according to a new report.
BRITAIN'S police could once again be able to kick the bejesus out of terror suspects after stop and search powers were declared illegal by some communist homosexuals.
THE government has banned the extremist group Islam4Uk, forcing it to change its name to Brian Thompson.
BRITISH troops in Afghanistan are to be issued with new uniforms that can disguise the fact they are armed with nothing but rusty tin-openers.
THOUSANDS of computer game fans were last night surprised to learn the new Call Of Duty includes a legally-binding pledge to fight in Afghanistan.