Wikileaks row stops someone from buying a Chris de Burgh album

THE point of Wikileaks became clear last night after viral attacks on credit card websites stopped someone from buying Chris de Burgh’s The Storyman.

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Pro-Wikileaks activists brought down the Visa and Mastercard sites just as Martin Bishop, from Stevenage, was about to do a ‘one click’ purchase of the Irish singer’s 2006 assault on basic human decency.

US secretary of state, Hillary Clinton, said: “I would like to apologise to Wikileaks founder Julian Assange for threatening to have him slightly killed. I now see what he was trying to achieve and I applaud him.

“Anything which starts a chain of events which prevents another penny going into the pocket of that bastard is certainly worth the odd bit of catastrophic damage to international diplomacy here and there.”

Wikileaks founder Assange said: “I hope we have all learned an important lesson about jumping to conclusions. In time everything eventually makes sense.”

But Bishop stressed he had very much enjoyed De Burgh’s 1995 atrocity Beautiful Dreams and simply wanted to play The Storyman in his car on the way to church.

He added: “Julian Assange has brought the world to the brink of anarchy, but because I enjoy listening to Chris de Burgh, somehow that makes me the bad guy?”

Meanwhile, hackers have also attacked the email account of Sarah Palin, causing the Alaskan caribou-murderer to describe Assange as ‘un-American’ in a way that suggests she has never heard of Senator Joe McCarthy, or perhaps even Julian Assange.

Nathan Muir, professor of manipulative horseshit at Reading University, said: “Mr Assange is an Australian which means that everything he does is, essentially, un-American. I would suggest that as an Australian, he is being Australian.”

He added: “Imagine being called un-British. I assume it would would mean you were not being politely racist or that you’d stopped complaining about absolutely everything for five fucking minutes.”