If I Won The Lottery…

Oh… let's think – Well, for a start I'd buy a nice big house in Surrey with an indoor swimming pool and a sauna. Six, maybe seven bedrooms. All en-suite of course. A big kitchen with an Aga and one of those huge American fridges. I'd get a nice car too. Maybe a Porsche Cayenne or a Lexus or one of those absolutely gigantic Volvos.

What else? Oh, I'd love a house in Spain or maybe the French Riviera. Then again a beach house in Antigua would be lovely too wouldn't it? And I'd buy my mum and dad a nice little cottage in the country. Nothing too fancy because they wouldn't like that. And I'd make a donation to a charity. One of cancer ones probably.

After I'd done all that I'd invest a few million each in Exxon, Lockheed Martin and Pfizer. I'd buy at the bottom of the cycle, sell up after four years and transfer the profits into Asian currency speculation. I'd combine that with carefully selected options in the top five Chinese banks and I reckon that within five years I'd have enough money to buy my own satellite.

I'd use the satellite to gather evidence on a variety of people – friends, enemies, politicians and celebrities. I'd then set up a security firm and use the satellite evidence to extort money from the richest of my targets. Meanwhile I would blackmail the poorer ones in order to guarantee their loyalty.

I reckon that after another five years I would have accumulated enough capital to purchase a controlling share in an international media conglomorate with interests in print, TV, films, software development and the internet.

I would also make secret donations to up-and-coming politicians and establish an arms-length political consultancy to monitor legislative developments and lobby on behalf of my commercial interests. And along the way there would, of course, have to be a number of "tragic accidents".

Anyway, you can't win if you don't buy a ticket.