Diana In Heaven

IT was Michael Jackson's first deathday celebration day last Friday and to be honest, it was a bigger fuck-up than that time he hung the kid over the balcony - the bloke just hasn't got a bloody clue.

Diana In Heaven

Went round to Brian Clough's to watch the England v Slovenia match the other day. Was planning to go to Don Revie's but when we got there he was charging people twenty quid to get in and had put a ban on everyone bringing in their own drinks.

One Woman's Week: Black To Basics

By Karen Fenessey

WHEN people ask me, 'Karen! Been watching the World Cup?', I always respond, 'World Cup? World Crap more like!'. Normally, Wimbledon is the only sporting date in my summer diary. For me, football has always been something played by faceless alcoholics with clammy thighs and impenetrable regional accents...

Diana In Heaven

I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week – genuine stuff, and although I’m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...


This week's hot star sightings...
Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick the tip of his own nose…

Diana In Heaven

So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!

My Big Gap Year: What Is It With Germany And Israel?

THIS week I'm in Sao Paulo, but that doesn't matter because there is so much going on at my hostel I don't even have time to go out. All the folks here have got carried away with Eurovision and its shocker aftermath...

One Woman's Week: Viva El Cleggo!

By Karen Fenessey

Normally, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how I voted, but... it was Lib Dem! (Didn’t everyone?)...

My Big Gap Year: Shaved New World

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

Monday: The Amazon

Last night I was on Amazon downloading DJ Rico’s hot new MP3 Zombie in a Coma’ but today I'm in the actual Amazon!

Guest Blog: Danny Dyer

SO there I was, walkin' the mean streets of West Hampstead with only a six-man camera crew and seven security advisors for company.  By the looks I was gettin' from some of the naughty local faces – Lucy, the Channel 4 documentary maker, Victor, the Classics teacher and Cameron, the web designer - I was beginnin' to feel like a Nick Love at the Cannes Film Festival.

One Woman's Week: Paedophile Priests Are People Too

Karen Fenessey

It seems the media just can't help themselves when it comes to the Catholic Church. They'll pounce on the slightest slip-up and blow it out of all proportion. If we're not careful, this once magnificent institution, which has done so much for the people of Africa, will become nothing more than a pitiful community group like Alcoholics Anonymous or the Brownies.

My Big Gap Year: Hips Don't Lie, Usually

Dispatches from Poppy Spalding

Tuesday: Bogota

AFTER being a total communist and gorging myself on kolbasa for almost two weeks, I decided to embark on the famous 'Trotsky trail' and jump on the next Aeroflot to South America. I'm sure if he'd been around today, he would never have gone to stinky Mexico and had communism with moustachioed artists. Like me, he would have come straight to Columbia to undulate frantically like the artist who gets her Ladyshave out once in a while: Shakira!