Columnists
Diana In Heaven
IT was Michael Jackson's first deathday celebration day last Friday and
to be honest, it was a bigger fuck-up than that time he hung the kid
over the balcony - the bloke just hasn't got a bloody clue.
Diana In Heaven
Went round to Brian Clough's to watch the England v Slovenia match
the other day. Was planning to go to Don Revie's but when we got there
he was charging people twenty quid to get in and had put a ban on
everyone bringing in their own drinks.
One Woman's Week: Black To Basics
By Karen Fenessey
WHEN people ask me, 'Karen! Been watching the World Cup?', I always
respond, 'World Cup? World Crap more like!'. Normally, Wimbledon is the
only sporting date in my summer diary. For me, football has always been
something played by faceless alcoholics with clammy thighs and
impenetrable regional accents...
Diana In Heaven
I put a bag of my hair shavings on eBay this week – genuine stuff, and although I’m not saying where it came from, you can probably make an educated guess. Five days later and the top bid was 20p. Shocking...
Spotted!
This week's hot star sightings...
Unemployed South Bank Show janitor MELVYN BRAGG sitting alone in a park
in West London, feeding birds from a bag of sawdust and trying to lick
the tip of his own nose…
Diana In Heaven
WORST HOLIDAY EVER
So Dodi finally got that restraining order dropped that he'd taken
out against me with The Big Man. Then, better still, he turns up out of
the blue at my gaff with Henri Paul, the engine revving and wanting to
know if I fancied going for a spin. Fuck, yeah!
My Big Gap Year: What Is It With Germany And Israel?
THIS week I'm in Sao Paulo, but that doesn't matter because there is so
much going on at my hostel I don't even have time to go out. All the
folks here have got carried away with Eurovision and its shocker
aftermath...
One Woman's Week: Viva El Cleggo!
By Karen Fenessey
Normally, I wouldn't dream of telling anyone how I voted, but... it was Lib Dem! (Didn’t everyone?)...
My Big Gap Year: Shaved New World
Dispatches from Poppy Spalding
Monday: The Amazon
Last night I was on Amazon downloading DJ Rico’s hot new MP3 Zombie in a Coma’ but today I'm in the actual Amazon!
Guest Blog: Danny Dyer
SO there I was, walkin' the mean streets of West Hampstead with only a
six-man camera crew and seven security advisors for company. By the
looks I was gettin' from some of the naughty local faces – Lucy, the
Channel 4 documentary maker, Victor, the Classics teacher and Cameron,
the web designer - I was beginnin' to feel like a Nick Love at the
Cannes Film Festival.
One Woman's Week: Paedophile Priests Are People Too
Karen Fenessey
It seems the media just can't help themselves when it comes to the Catholic Church. They'll pounce on the slightest slip-up and blow it out of all proportion. If we're not careful, this once magnificent institution, which has done so much for the people of Africa, will become nothing more than a pitiful community group like Alcoholics Anonymous or the Brownies.
My Big Gap Year: Hips Don't Lie, Usually
Dispatches from Poppy Spalding
Tuesday: Bogota
AFTER being a total communist and gorging myself on kolbasa for almost two weeks, I decided to embark on the famous 'Trotsky trail' and jump on the next Aeroflot to South America. I'm sure if he'd been around today, he would never have gone to stinky Mexico and had communism with moustachioed artists. Like me, he would have come straight to Columbia to undulate frantically like the artist who gets her Ladyshave out once in a while: Shakira!