Columnists

I'm a busy father of three, yet all I want to do is get high

Anything is possible if you're willing to fight for your dream.

The ecowarrior's response to a brown, malformed lemon is the same as R-Patz's to Kristen Stewart

In fact, the safe looking ones are full of false promises and lies.

Guest blog: Davros

"Mr Davros, can you lift your arm above your head?”

People say women shouldn't involve themselves in politics because it never ends well

Julian is lucky to have a blank canvas regarding hair and I'm sure any old Ecuadorion lacky could nip to Boots for some Nice n Easy.

Jack Regan's Desert Island Discs

Every time Haskins gives me and George a bollocking, I put on some native American chanting music.

Top Cat's Desert Island Discs

I dig that Wallander cat, I dig his solemnity and I dig his theme tune.

David Bowie's real ale blog

To show you how much I love real ale, here's a number from my new concept album, Roll Out The Casque Marked, CAMRA-Approved Barrel...

How to make your own 'Bradley Wiggins' sideburns

You can get the 'Wiggins look' with little more than pubes and sticky tape.

Watching the Women's 63kg final, we can't help wondering at their lycra-clad mysteries

Any truly intrepid scientist would jump at the chance to go in and have a good old rummage around.

Tom Cruise sits down with aliens and has a drawer marked 'phone chargers'

How could Tom stay enthusiastic about a woman whose buttocks could slice a man's leg off?

I'm attempting to re-invent myself as a kind of elderly Angelina Jolie

The book's about a weird lady who must be very grumpy because she's always moaning.

Cat's entertainment: The Dark Knight Rises

What a cat thinks about the new Batman film.