I'VE been receiving a lot of emails recently from fans asking what my
Christmas day is going to be like. The truth is, it's going to be in the
top seven percent of Christmases globally.
OF course it's super that Julian Assange has felt the long arm of the law this week and now knows that when it comes to sex, you have to just say no. But what is his crime, really?
YOUR current reality or your current life is as you created it. If you
havenâ€™t found your soulmate, or you wish you had a better one, you're
the one to blame. Like me, you can have the finest and most elegant
soulmate this planet has to offer.
I was late getting up for breakfast this morning, although Dad never told me off because he wasn't feeling very well. "Dad, why are you still wearing the same smelly clothes you went out in last night?"
I was literally paralysed with grief when I learned that my comedy hero Leslie Neilson had passed on. So it was all I could do to leap off my bicycle before I did some serious damage and board a flight for NYC - birthplace of comedy and Richard Dreyfuss.
My job has taken me to every corner of the globe. Along the way I've met
the rich, the famous and have even had time to say a polite 'hello' to
ordinary folk, despite the fact that they can do nothing to further my career.
Whaddaya know, Mr and Mrs Patterson want to raise three big ones so they
can enjoy a self-catering Hoseasons boating vacation on the Norfolk
Broads. It's not my cup of tea, coochie-coo - the only broads Theo
Kojak's interested in are the ones who make my eggs over easy and keep
my side of the bed warm at night, capice?
Many people breathed a sigh of relief last week when the Large Hadron Collider smashed some protons together and the planet failed to blow up. But, as I observed at the time, if the researchers at Cern were going to blow up anything it should probably be a photograph of TV scientist, Professor Brian Cox, with the top button of his Wranglers undone.
EVERYONE is saying itâ€™s great that the Chandlers have finally been
released by their swash buckling captors. But is it just me who thinks
this development is a little too convenient?
AND so I am to appear on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here. As an aesthete I am naturally repelled by the unstoppable march of reality television programmes and the oxygen they lend to the dismal, slack-jawed 'personalities' who scramble to appear on them.
Being the cleverest person in the room is an incredible feeling. You probably worry that the hours you spend on Facebook looking at photo albums of people you don't know or reading celebrity gossip magazines is making you stupid. It is not...