Power-thinking, with Dr Morris O’Connor

Quality gratitude

Most people go through a period in their lives when they say to themselves ‘things aren’t going that well’, or, ‘I’m in a downward spiral of doom’. If I really stretch my mind back I can faintly remember a time when things weren’t going well for me, because for the last 40 years my life has been a 24-hour cocktail party of champagne, models and 250 yard drives down a pristine fairway.

Once, when life was bad, I focused on sleeping with a woman of colour. To my surprise, the following night I found myself in the arms of Crystal Wilson, a stunning ebony beauty, at a sophisticated cocktail bar called The Pussycat Lounge in New York. (By the way, I would highly recommend their house cocktail ‘The Purple Motherfucker’ – it has six types of liqueur in it and at only $5 it will set you up for the night.) Later, when I found myself holding onto Crystal’s ass, I said to myself, ‘every time I touch this ass I’m going to think of something I’m grateful for’. So every night I would go to the lounge, meet with Crystal and give thanks for money, gift bags, Asian ladies and Greg Norman.

Little did I know of the powerful process I was creating and the far-reaching effects it would have. One night an English tourist saw me with Crystal and asked: “What are you mumbling to yourself for? You look mental.” I explained the process, during which I coined the phrase ‘The Ass of Gratitude’. Months later I got a letter from him. “My son is dying from a rare disease. Could you arrange for Crystal and ask her to come over to England with a couple of her friends?” As she was just a hot stripper I found in a titty bar, I said ‘sure’.

Six months later I received another letter. “My son is almost completely recovered – it’s incredible. Meanwhile, we’ve set up a titty bar in London with Crystal and her friends and sold over four thousand lap dances at £20 each. Thank you Morris, you certainly know your way around strippers.”

So next time you’re feeling down, simply seek out your Crystal and remember how important it is to be grateful for that and other stuff.

Dr Morris O’Connor is the author of The Christian Secrets To Money Making Jesus Didn’t Want You To Know