Opinion

One Woman's Week: The Path To True Love

By Karen Fenessey 

LAST night, I went to a live gig in a dingy little bar in the city centre. I’d rather not spend my evenings in some dark, sticky dump surrounded by penniless, drug-smoking layabouts, but I had an obligation to be there, because my boyfriend, Donny, is a singer/songwriter in a band.

If It's Alright With You, I'd Quite Like A Fridge

By Yen Xiao, farmer, Jiangsu Province

HERE in China, life is hard. I'm sure you've read many newspaper articles about our booming economy and burgeoning middle class, but the vast majority of Chinese still rely on subsistence farming and have no access to modern sanitation, electricity and labour saving devices.

One Woman's Week: A Blast From The Past

BY KAREN FENESSEY 

I HAD a great weekend but I wish it could have lasted longer - it's a pain having to go back to work and be surrounded by needy little children all day.

Mr Salmond's 'Independent Contraption' Will Never Burrow To The Centre Of The Earth

April 26, 1897, Edinburgh

Sirs,
It is with the utmost urgency that I write to you, my fellows of the Royal Society of Scotland, to alert you to the danger posed by Mr A Salmond and his proposal to build a steam driven contraption with the intention of burrowing to the centre of the Earth.

One Woman's Week: Cruel To Be Kind

BY KAREN FENESSEY 

I've got no tolerance for children who answer back to adults. I'm a teacher, so I've got a lot of experience of this, and as far as I am concerned they can burn in hell.

One Woman's Week: My Struggle Against Racism

BY KAREN FENESSEY 

There are some things in life which make me feel sick to my stomach. I don't know if you've ever seen the film The Colour Purple, but if you have, then you will understand what I am talking about.

The First Rule Of Toddler Fight Club Is...

You do not talk about Toddler Fight Club.

Together, As A Nation, We Can Find My Glasses

By Cardinal Keith O'Brien

IT has been a troubling 48 hours in the history of our ancient but resilient nation. For so it was, at around 11.30 on Tuesday morning, I realised with a heavy heart and a sagging spirit, that I could not find my glasses.

Your Powerpoint Presentation Was An Embarrassing Piece Of Shit

THIS may seem like an obvious question at this particular moment but I have to ask it: What were you thinking? I mean, what in the name of Christ was going through your mind?

My Wedding Is Going To Be So Much Better Than Yours

Just three weeks to go and I'm so excited. The final preparations are being made and I can assure you it is going to be a magical day. So much better than yours.

If I Won The Lottery...

Oh... let's think - Well, for a start I'd buy a nice big house in Surrey with an indoor swimming pool and a sauna. Six, maybe seven bedrooms. All en-suite of course. A big kitchen with an Aga and one of those huge American fridges. I'd get a nice car too. Maybe a Porsche Cayenne or a Lexus or one of those absolutely gigantic Volvos.