It's awards season, so how about awarding your self a mind gong?
Well, all I can say is 'gosh'. Well, I would probably say that if I was being interviewed by one of those dreadful LA queers who front those piss-poor Hollywood entertainment channels.
It makes me gag when I see celebrities getting on the news because of their latest booze-fuelled fixed penalty or suicide.
That's what I do, I solve problems - be it making sure we've got the top three floors of the Four Seasons Hotel or ending the war in Darfur with the power of my eyes.
Imagine you could have the eyes of a chameleon grafted onto your face and were able to swivel them independently of each other.
If you're freaking out because you've stolen some electrical goods from a shop, ruined a family event by taking too much cocaine or uploaded some naked pictures of your cheating ex-wife to the internet, don't feel bad.
IT'S Friday night and I am in a bar not far from Liz Jones's house near Taunton.
I miss sandwich spread sandwiches on medium white sliced bread with margarine, not butter - I don't like butter, because it's too salty and I don't like salty things.
EVER seen a happy person get cancer? Exactly. Illness cannot exist in a
human that is thinking happy thoughts. It's important to constantly
think positively or you could find yourself with a disease on your
I'VE been receiving a lot of emails recently from fans asking what my
Christmas day is going to be like. The truth is, it's going to be in the
top seven percent of Christmases globally.
OF course it's super that Julian Assange has felt the long arm of the law this week and now knows that when it comes to sex, you have to just say no. But what is his crime, really?
YOUR current reality or your current life is as you created it. If you
havenâ€™t found your soulmate, or you wish you had a better one, you're
the one to blame. Like me, you can have the finest and most elegant
soulmate this planet has to offer.