THE worst person you have ever met is once again posting images with inspirational quotes over them on your social media feed.
A MAN’S attempt to use a proudly independent record shop and cafe near his home was regretted within moments of walking in, he has confirmed.
MICHAEL Gove and Rory Stewart are to stop being victims and show that big blonde bully what for, they have confirmed.
A MAN’S plans to get himself a beach-ready six-pack in time for summer have been postponed until August at the absolute latest.
WANT to spunk a load of money up the wall on fancy venison steaks just to char them to inedibility? Follow this guide:
RORY Stewart is an active MI6 agent currently in deep cover in an extreme right-wing group planning to devastate Britain, sources have revealed.
A HUMAN has been threatened by a small, bright pink balloon.
IS the Earth a cube? Does chutney cure herpes? Was The Phantom Menace a film-making triumph? How big a lie are you prepared to accept from our next prime minister?
THE Conservative leadership candidates are all agreed that Britain has been completely ruined by nine years of Conservative leadership.
A WOMAN too immature to ever win arguments simply tells everyone they need to ‘grow up’, friends have confirmed.
PRIMARY school children with half a term’s learning about climate change have discovered it is a brilliant way of annoying the sh*t out of everybody.
A WOMAN invited to a night round a friend’s house drinking ‘fizz’ and watching a romcom is looking into faking her own death to dodge it.
BRITAIN is to start the weekend early in celebration of Dominic Raab’s pathetic failure.
A GROUP of men playing pool in a pub have agreed that all attractive women present would definitely only consider shagging the winner.
A MAN has reached the age of 34 still naively believing that his job should be something he enjoys.
ARE you a f*ck-up to your very core, like certain figures in the national spotlight presently, but keen to mask it as hapless buffoonery?
EVERYONE at an office meeting has their arms folded and is refusing to meet anyone else’s eye, it has emerged.
THE realm of Hades itself has finally been brought to our earthly plane at this weekend’s Download festival, attendees have agreed.
EU LEADERS are puzzled about why Britain wrote them a letter in the age of electronic communication.
MY granny also thinks Daniel O'Donnell is sexy so she is clearly off her head.