WITH an unnecessary remake of The Lion King in cinemas, how far can the film industry take this creatively bankrupt trend? Here are some ideas.
AN A-Level student is celebrating getting the grades to go to a low-level university and do a course that will mean he can stay in bed most days.
A GIRL who felt perfectly well all day long has suddenly developed 6,000 mystery illnesses at bedtime.
A DOG experiencing a mid-life crisis has begun shagging his owner’s other leg to make him feel young and virile again.
ALL bad stuff in world gone away now football back, say man.
OVERUSING your phone can ruin an evening, unless all your mates are tw*ts who only want to obsessively check their emails too. Here’s how make a sociable night totally pointless.
A COUPLE inviting people to only the evening bit of their wedding have revealed they just want the place to look busy.
IT’S A-level results time again, so prepare for an onslaught of overexcited teenagers and tedious advice. Or just read this article and save yourself loads of time.
A CHILD has told his parents they have to buy him the whole WHSmith stationery section or he will call social services.
A WOMAN who told her boyfriend that she wants some time to ‘recharge her batteries’ has admitted that she just wants to have a wank in peace.
WITH so many people milling about your workplace, it’s sometimes hard to tell if you are senior or just a hapless minion. Let's find out...
A WOMAN has spent an entire holiday taking pictures of 'views' that just happen to be behind her tanned legs.
HAVE you been forced to attend some f*cking 'networking event' by your boss and want to top yourself within two minutes of arriving? Here’s how to cope.
DADS have confirmed that now is the perfect time to buy a winter coat as you would probably get it cheap and the arrival of winter is inevitable.
A MAN refuses to waste his time thinking about Brexit because intelligent people like him are more concerned with saving the planet.
HAVE you got some great ideas for exercising but can’t manage the ‘actually doing it’ bit? Here’s how to get super-fit entirely in your own imagination.
THE WORLD’S last remaining mouse mat will be put up for auction this week, with experts predicting a sale price of up to 80 pence.
A COUPLE wrongly believe the mildly complicated way in which they met is an utterly compelling tale.
A WOMAN has failed to appreciate how 'busy' her retired parents are.
A COUPLE have relocated to a smaller house to be in the catchment area of an outstanding Waitrose, they have confirmed.