THE men of Sunderland have assured the UK of their absolute compliance when it comes to social distancing.
THE owners of dogs are now more excited than their pets about the prospect of walkies.
AS CORONAVIRUS has shown, things can always get worse. For example, if any of these six spoke up.
THE UK is not succeeding at flattening the curve of the number of WhatsApps it is receiving, it has admitted.
THERE’S no lockdown on passive-aggressive one-upmanship, so here’s how to outdo the Joneses without leaving the house.
A MAN has verbally abused a small group of ducks in his local park for flouting coronavirus lockdown rules.
Single man looking for woman who enjoys long video calls, sexting, and moving in together after a fortnight
A SINGLE man is looking for a partner who is open to an initially non-physical relationship, escalating dependency and living together within two weeks.
SINCE coronavirus has put an end to the joy of touching your face 23 times an hour, here are six other things to do with your hands.
BRITONS who have fled to their second homes have confessed they had no idea that the locals they saw there were actual existing people.
THE prime minister has thanked Britain for clapping to show they do not blame him in the slightest for the current crisis.
MAINTAINING a distance of two metres from other people applies to everyone except joggers, joggers have agreed.
THESE are stressful times and you’ve probably stocked up on booze. But how do you hold out until noon, when it is fine to start getting leathered? Read our guide.
POPPING to the shops but worried police will judge your beer and crisps non-essential? Try these to make your basket purposed and focused.
LOOKING to get an iconic photo of yourself posing in front of an empty city? Stop and do not do that, you ignorant prick. Resist the temptation to do these things too.
A 19-YEAR-OLD Lidl employee is keeping a photo in his pocket of the sweetheart he will marry when this madness is over.
HI, I’m big-haired idiot Tim Martin. When I’m not running crap pubs I’m being awful to my staff. Here’s how to be an absolute bellend like me.
NO, not just ‘I can’t shake this cough’ – here are the other once-innocent phrases that now fill you with terror.
A WOMAN made it just three days into lockdown before deciding to cut her own hair for entertainment.
EXPERTS have warned that Britain may be under partial lockdown for the next six months. Here’s how it will go.
BRITAIN’S gammons have called for a referendum to tell the coronavirus to get lost like we did with the EU.