THE owner of the dog that is currently biting your ankle quite hard has clarified that her pet is, in fact, ‘really friendly’.
A MAN has bought a six-pack of substantial meals to enjoy during his 40-minute lunch break.
IN A new decade set to be worse than any of its predecessors, we’ll inevitably soon be rosy-eyed for 9/11 and Las Ketchup. Get ready to genuinely miss these.
BRITONS are planning to make the most of 24-hour shop openings by holding debauched parties in the baked goods aisle of Marks & Spencer.
WANT to pretend you’re knowledgeable about wine and don’t just choose it according to whichever label has the nicest picture? Here’s what to say.
THE health secretary has confirmed that regions will only be able to move to a new coronavirus tier after a series of play-offs.
YOU watched it, you quit, you assumed it had been cancelled years ago but somehow that TV show’s still limping on. These five should be put out of their misery.
THE Premier League is beset by issues like goals disallowed because two millimetres of a striker's soul has strayed offside. But it happened way before VAR – here's how:
WORRIED about surviving the UK’s escalating economic apocalypse? Fear not because chancellor Rishi Sunak is here with advice for the hard times ahead.
DO you knock back your weekly units solo in a night only to wake up hungover and guilty? Normalise one-man piss-ups with these single-player drinking games.
PRESIDENT Trump has conceded that his hair is very slightly thinning on top, but that he will turn the tide with Regaine.
DO you like to entertain people with fun but surprising facts that make great talking points? Are they the same facts everyone already f**king knows?
UNSURE how this whole parenting thing is done and looking for reassurance? These parenting manuals will each undermine your confidence in a different way.
WITH a month until the transition deadline expires, just how unprepared are you for the oncoming shitstorm that is Brexit? Find out with our quiz.
Driving a milk float makes you impotent: A man who knows nothing about electric cars answers your questions
PROPER cars will be illegal from 2030, and men will be forced to drive electric vehicles that shrink their genitalia. Here Nathan Muir answers your questions about how wrong this is.
AS we approach the end of 2020, here are some of the year’s popular but incredibly annoying phrases that just need to f**k off forever.
A STUDY has confirmed that families who consider it acceptable to kiss each other on the lips are completely weird and creepy.
BACK in happier times the nation chose our 100 Greatest Britons and put Churchill at the top. But in the divided country we now live in, who would make the list?
ARE you a dad? Is all that stuff important, easily fixed, or you’ll need it the week after you throw it away? Follow these hoarding tips.
GREY days and long nights making you blue? You might be suffering from SAD, or this might just be the worst f**king winter of any of our lives.