A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.
Being an Account of how a Gentleman may spend his Days, for the Edification of the Troglodytic Classes
MILITANT vegans blockading the meat aisles of a supermarket have been scattered by a delicate but deliberate draught of air.
A TOTAL numpty who has won £170m on the lottery has claimed he will not let it change him, even though that is manifestly the whole point.
TRAIN passengers have called for services to include a dedicated wanker carriage where wankers can go about their business in peace.
A COUPLE who thought a cycling holiday would be a wonderful adventure changed their minds after two miles of cycling.
GERMAN chancellor Angela Merkel has confirmed the EU would do anything to get its hands on Northern Ireland, the country everybody wants.
A CAT has told its owner that it wants to be free to see and be fed by other people.
A LARGE display of pumpkins being used to whip up excitement for Halloween are tragically unaware that they will be disposed of well before the big day.
IN 2015 Boris Johnson, then just a lowly backbench MP, wrote a blockbuster film script. Here are a few key excerpts.
BRITAIN’S bald men are absolutely delighted that hat season has come around again.
THE Liberal Democrats are determined to stop Jeremy Corbyn becoming temporary prime minister, even if it risks a no-deal Brexit. Who would be a better choice?
BRITAIN has agreed that it no longer deserves Pizza Express and will go back to Pizza Hut.
A COUPLE who moved in together last week are on the brink of splitting up after a disagreement about how much to spend on a laundry basket.
OPENING a jar that nobody else has been able to open is better than achieving orgasm through intercourse.
BORIS Johnson’s lovers have confirmed that Jennifer Arcuri cannot have received 'favourable treatment' because he does not know what it means.
EVERYONE hates meetings, but they need to take place somewhere. Here’s how to resentfully arrange your next one.
A MAN who has just handed in notice will definitely be giving his employer 100 percent for the next month.
A COFFEE shop barista taking an inordinate amount of time to froth your latte wants you to know that for these two minutes, she owns you.
ARE you a true Brit or a feckless foreigner? Take our test to find out.