THE Mail exposed Keir Starmer for buying a field for his mother to use as a donkey sanctuary, horrifying voters. What smears are next?
A FAMILY camping in their extensive garden have discovered that a slightly higher-on-the-ladder middle-class family has occupied their house.
THE home secretary has confirmed that when the country comes together to clap for carers, they are tacitly excluding any foreign nationals below the £25,000 threshold.
THE economy must return to growth. The human cost is immaterial. Former work and pensions minister and rōnin Iain Duncan Smith outlines his uncompromising plans.
THE Queen is to make Captain Tom Moore Duke of York and eighth in line to the throne, replacing the former Prince Andrew.
A WOMAN is fed up of the long, tedious commute from her bed to the kitchen table where she works.
A MAN queuing for two hours to buy a bucket of chicken is going over every decision in his life that has led him to this moment.
AN estate agent cannot understand why Britons have not got behind clapping and cheering on Tuesdays for house-selling middlemen.
HOMESCHOOLED children are memorising a list of educational activities to claim they completed when their teachers ask.
EPIDEMICS and pandemics are nothing new, though Britain knows nothing about them because the only history it’s interested in is the bit with Hitler. Useful facts:
A WOMAN has made a post-lockdown visit to her local garden centre only to wonder what the f**k is meant to be so vital about it.
PRESIDENT Trump has asserted that not only does hydroxychloroquine make him immune to the coronavirus, it grants him the power of flight.
If your children don’t get a total of seven days school before summer they will be thick forever, government confirms
THE government has warned that if children do not get seven days education over the next two months they will always be thickos.
JOE Wicks is teaching his junior army exercise moves like ‘overthrow capitalism’, ‘throw the molotov’ and ‘the guillotine’, a parent has noticed.
STUCK asking about the health of your friends’ elderly parents at Zoom o’clock? Here are the questions you really want to ask.
A PHILOSOPHER writing for the Guardian who has proposed that Britons take a ‘holiday of the mind’ clearly needs to f**k off.
THE blaring music from next door’s garden is actually a playlist they have especially put together for you, they have nervously admitted.
ENGLAND has been making the most of the freedom to meet a lone friend in a park to mouth the hell off about their f**khead partners.
THE shops are closed, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go online and buy yourself a morale-boosting treat that you won’t want by the time it arrives. But what?
THE Welsh Tourism Board has launched a new campaign warning English people that if they cross the border they will be hunted down by irate locals.