LIFE not going your way? Unsure if it’s due to some cosmic conspiracy or because you’re a complete arsehole? Find out with our quiz.
KELSEY Grammer's Frasier reboot is almost guaranteed to end up ruining his own legacy. Here's how it will be totally ballsed up.
BRITAIN'S high streets are teetering on a knife edge. But even with the best will in the world, it's hard not to admit some of our traditional retailers are a bit shit. Such as these:
A MAN is growing increasingly concerned that his 29-year-old girlfriend is actually an 80-year-old woman in disguise.
BORED of horse brasses, Wedgwood pottery and watercolours by unknown painters? Here are five items that would really test the valuation skills of the BBC’s antiques experts.
IT’S March tomorrow, which means it will soon be a whole year since you did all these things you used to take for granted. Here’s a timeline:
DADS have an uncanny ability to say things that make you want to curl up and die. Here 55-year-old accountant Stephen Malley lists some of his favourite expressions for putting his foot in it.
DO you want to throttle that person in your life who insists on pronouncing it ‘vice-a versa’? Here are some more you will also hate.
THE BBC is currently encouraging all its staff to take part in diversity training. Here gammon Roy Hobbs imagines what this will involve and explains why it is an outrage.
THE Queen has finally realised that she is the head of state of a country of selfish, credulous dickheads.
DO you feel compelled to share your gormless thoughts online? Here’s how to sound like the thousands of morons found in the average comments section.
THE Labour Party has been running every policy past three angry Boris Johnson supporters who would normally be in Wetherspoons, it has revealed.
ARE you hopelessly besotted with TV historian Lucy Worsley? It’s never going to work out, so here is a guide to coping and maybe one day moving on.
I HAVE done the thing that everyone dreams of doing and made my passion my job, and am now so fulfilled and happy that no one can f**king stand me.
A MIDDLE-CLASS mother has launched an appeal against the unfairness of her son’s GCSE grades, which have yet to be decided.
DO you want to passive-aggressively annoy your neighbours without doing something obviously twatty like playing loud music? Here’s how to sneakily piss them off.
AFTER the early, exciting stage of your relationship, sex will become a chore to get done or a Plan B for when other activities fall through. Here’s why you’ll reluctantly do it.
A MAN who says he will not be forced into being vaccinated is furious that his spare dose might be given to someone in a migrant centre.
THE art of the self-deprecating show-off is a subtle one. Here’s how to become pro-level at inspiring envy while remaining humble.
CAREER flagging? Why not get yourself in the headlines by being cancelled, like I did?