A POSTER looking for a lost cat glosses over the fact that it behaves like a complete arsehole most of the time.
HAVE you reached the age of realising how stupid you were when young? These decisions, made then, have come back to bite you.
THE sixth series of Line of Duty is to conclude tonight with a right load of nonsensical double-crossing conspiracy bollocks.
LOOKING to earn extra cash? These side-hustles will take up all of your spare time and earn you a negligible amount of money.
AN angler's quiet day fishing and getting pissed amidst the wonders of nature was completely ruined by catching a huge, smelly, slimy fish.
Think your regional accent sounds interesting and endearing? If it’s any of these then you’re wrong.
THE bank holiday weekend probably means some long-awaited outdoor drinks. Here noted twat Ryan Whittaker gives his tips on how to spoil the experience for those around you.
CARRIE Symonds is to appear on Strictly Come Dancing, last until the semi-finals and have a torrid affair with her dance partner, she has confirmed.
DID you assume you’d be a fully-functioning, grown-up adult by now? Here are the things you thought you’d effortlessly cope with, but can’t.
BORIS Johnson’s personal mobile phone number has been public since 2006. You’ve probably missed the chance now, but here are five texts you could have sent him.
COLUMNIST Sarah Vine has defended the Downing Street flat redecoration, saying the PM should not ‘live in a skip’. However, this is someone who shares a bed Michael Gove. Which would you prefer?
NEW couples are notorious for turning people’s stomachs with their displays of affection and zest for life. Here are five dull as ditchwater things they somehow find fascinating.
MEN have split the atom and conquered space, yet struggle with simple tasks surely no one could f**k up. Here are five that will need doing properly afterwards.
ARLENE Foster is stepping down as leader of the Democratic Unionist Party, which means an awesome leaving do with her fundamentalist Christian colleagues. Here’s what they have planned.
MAKING your flat nice is incredibly difficult if you don’t have between £58,000 and £200,000 to spend. Could you do it? Take our quiz and find out.
YOU’VE asked your girlfriend if she needs anything from the shops and she’s asked you to pick up some tampons. Here’s how to cope with this terrifying ordeal.
Why your relationship is a squalid knee-trembler compared to the magnificent love of William and Kate
THERE has never been a love as pure, as selfless or as holy as that of William and Kate. Compared to their marriage, yours is a sordid shag in a back-alley.
SARAH Vine has said Boris Johnson was working ’24 hours a day, seven days a week’, which is impossible or he’d be dead. Here are more bullshit claims people make.
PREDICTIONS of a Hot Vax Summer of post-Covid shagging are entirely accurate, according to self-proclaimed love monster Josh Hudson.
EVER discovered you’ve been singing a song wrong and thought, wait, my version was better? These lyrics are vastly improved by being misheard.