FIRST-YEAR students have been told to settle in, take things easily and to have the best week of their whole lives or there is something wrong with them.
A SMARTPHONE relaxation app really needs to take a f**king chill pill, users have confirmed.
A WOMAN is addressing a baby with questions that can only be answered by the baby’s mother.
A WOMAN who has spent her adult life pretending that champagne is marvellous and special has finally admitted it tastes like farty urine.
A POSTER for a ‘much-loved’ missing cat has omitted its nine-year reign of terror over the rest of the street.
THE supreme court has decided that it will hear expert legal advice from the Mail Online comments section in today’s prorogation hearing.
THE Operation Yellowhammer no-deal contingency plan will affect Britons differently according to their referendum vote. Here’s how.
CRITICS have hit out at Luxembourg for humiliating our prime minister when its population is only six times the number of people who elected him.
COULROPHOBIA, or the fear of clowns, has been reclassified from an anxiety disorder to a perfectly reasonable response to modern life.
A BAG for life is largely being used to hold all the other bags that do not get taken to the supermarket, its owner has confirmed.
DO you need to write a scathing online opinion piece about popular TV shows in a desperate bid for clicks? Here are five easy targets.
THE average office worker is hit by a sugar slump at least six times a day, not including lunch or the commute, research has found.
NORTHERNERS are now allowing their tea to brew for almost five minutes longer than their southern counterparts, it has emerged.
Arlene Foster is DOCTOR DOOM Like Doom, Foster’s face is covered by an emotionless metal mask and she rules her little-understood nation with an iron hand and sorcery. Will betray anyone who makes a deal with her.
A WOMAN has once again reminded her boyfriend to take some photos of all the fun they are having so they do not forget it.
A 31-YEAR-OLD man is about to try and fail to use his friend’s puzzling shower system, it has been confirmed.
A WOMAN who regularly stalks her exes on Facebook has insisted she is 'just keeping in touch'.
A WOMAN queuing to see the Downton Abbey film has realised that she cannot remember a single thing about any of the characters.
EVERYONE likes to throw a sickie but how can you do it without getting caught? Let's take a look...
A WOMAN with no understanding of mental disorders has taken to describing anyone different to her as being ‘on the spectrum’.