HAVE you gone from ridiculing media scare stories about the coronavirus to panicking that you’re going to die? Hide your fear with these tips.
LOOKING for a new place? Can’t afford blissful isolation? Then you’ll be recoiling in horror at what other people call home.
A BIRMINGHAM man has amused his family and friends by telling them he will use HS2 to get a well-paid job in London.
IF THE unspontaneous purchase of an overpriced Valentine’s card from the nearest convenient shop isn’t for you, try these ways of showing your partner you love them.
CLIMATE activist Greta Thunberg has confirmed that starring in her own reality TV show was the entire point from the start.
ARE you prepared to spend time and money doing stupid bullsh*t so strangers will click Like and Follow?
A MAN has achieved the perfect balance between his personal life and professional duties by quitting the latter entirely.
NICE liberal voters still find it hard to grasp that the government enacts nasty policies because its supporters like them. Conservative voter Norman Steele lists his favourites.
A MARRIED couple in their thirties have written their dog’s name in childlike writing in a friend’s birthday card and drawn a paw print next to it.
THE HS2 line linking London and Birmingham, which are already linked, is currently set to cost £100bn. What else could that money buy?
A SPANISH tourist visiting England for the first time has confirmed it is not remotely like the brochures.
AN unexpected snowfall has made it impossible for staff at an insurance firm to operate their computers.
THE search for the end of a roll of Sellotape has entered its 25th hour.
SOME twat is making a mockery of the flooded high street by going down it in a canoe, locals have confirmed.
MEN hoping to impress women by playing an instrument have been reminded it does not apply to the ukulele.
DO you feel you could write an episode of Doctor Who that's mediocre enough for the new series? Read our guide and find out.
A MAN has asked a barman in a London pub what they have that’s fairly priced, while presumably expecting the dead to rise and frogs to rain from the sky.
FANCY insinuating that ordinary things people do are illicit, immoral and bad? The Daily Mail knows how.
TODDLERS have agreed that their favourite thing about visiting grown-up restaurants is going for a poo the moment food arrives.
MIDDLE class drunks are being dragged from their homes and signed up as Brexit Party candidates for the general election.