A TWAT in a busy supermarket is about to f**k up everyone’s day by scanning wine through a self-service checkout, it has emerged.
EVERYONE’S wearing masks now, but do you want to raise the blood pressure of gammons even more? These five locations should outrage the already red-faced.
A WHITE van driver has no strong feelings towards the arse of a nearby woman, thinking it neither good, bad or worthy of comment.
WHEN you were a teenager and explicit content of any kind was hard to come by, there were always these six albums to help you through.
A PARTY has acknowledged that if you want to keep up social distancing, MDMA is not the right drug.
A MAN who has been on the loo for the past 40 minutes while his family is downstairs has quietly admitted that this is the best part of his day.
HAVE travel chaos and quarantine ruined your plans for a posh foreign holiday you can show off about? Here are some horribly bourgeois British alternatives.
MEN who take their guitars to parks and play them are the worst people in existence, it has been confirmed.
THE South has ordered the North to stop being all weird and friendly and in and out of each other's houses, supposedly because of coronavirus.
PEOPLE who relish stifling temperatures of 30-plus degrees have smaller brains than those who do not, experts believe.
WOULD you like to develop a hysterical love/hate relationship with the Royal Family? Here Daily Mail news editor Tom Logan explains how to go about it.
STRUGGLING to feed your family in these difficult times? Luckily consumer expert and posh shopper Susan Traherne is here to help with some detached-from-reality tips.
ARE your priorities all totally wrong because you live on social media? Find out with our handy quiz.
NEW research has confirmed that while people are legally adults at 18, they remain immature dickheads until approximately the age of 30.
OFFICE workers have been urged to go back in August, but you may have forgotten what bellends your colleagues are. Here are some you should mentally prepare for.
IT’S the daily dilemma we face. Do we listen to the badly thought-out, science-free recommendations of Johnson and Hancock, or listen to the experts? Let’s find out.
THE middle classes have confirmed that anyone returning to work or school without at least 10 days quarantine should be looked down on.
A PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE mother-in-law has caused tension by pointing out a location’s potential as a wedding venue.
EVER wondered how someone turns goes from normal to ranting about ‘muzzles’? Here are the stages that take them there.
THE prime minister has warned that a second wave of coronavirus could begin in two weeks with urgent action against it scheduled for three weeks later.