SEEN a picture of a dude with fancy facial hair and decided you could look just as hot after some nifty razor action?
ANDY Burnham is now the North’s Jesus and will be betrayed at a potato-pie supper before crucifixion on a bleak rainswept hill in Oldham.
BACKS just hurt, people in their 30s have been told.
TOUGH day making the hostile environment positively belligerent? Sick of leftie lawyers getting you down? These are the life mottos that I, home secretary Priti Patel, swear by.
A WOMAN has obtained a court-ordered superinjunction to prevent the publication of any photos that show her with a fringe.
ARE you such an annoying twat that you’ve made a playlist of canine-related tunes for your dog? Set up these five to end up alone:
A CHILD raised on a carefully-curated diet of educational books, Radio 4 and hand-painted wooden toys is still an idiot, his parents have admitted.
YES, the pandemic is on everyone’s minds right now. But can we all stop debating tiers and lockdown and devote a moment to admiring how badly we’re f**king up Brexit?
SEEN an old friend in the street? Spotted your cousin at the bus stop? Here’s six ways to alienate them from the get-go.
AS retailers unveil their Christmas toy ranges, parents can’t help but seethe with resentment as they remember crap toys like these.
A TECH support worker cannot believe the lack of basic computer knowledge people today have, he has confirmed.
BORIS Johnson’s eventual deal with the EU is likely to be a huge disappointment to Leave voters who never knew what they wanted anyway. Tell yourself these lies:
EVER get the red mist just because someone – perhaps even someone you love – has used a phrase that seems a legitimate reason to kill? Like these?
A RICH twat believes that anyone with a job they dislike should quit and do something they love instead, because she could.
MANCHESTER mayor Andy Burnham has admitted being suspicious about a wedding invitation he has received which is unusually red.
WORKING from home doesn’t mean abandoning years of interdesk warfare with colleagues or even just pissing them off slightly less. Here’s how to f**k shit up remotely.
HAS your nemesis just revealed they’ve been given an ample pay rise or tricked some hapless moron into marrying them? Put on a brave face with these coping strategies.
A VEGETARIAN is definitely, completely sure that there is no problem with you eating your medium-rare steak while sat opposite them, you dick.
ANOTHER Batman film is on the way, as if we hadn’t had our fill of the moody pointy-eared bastard. Here’s why he should be given a rest.
PEOPLE who brag about meeting their 'fitness goals' are to be punished by receiving the Covid-19 vaccine last.