RESIDENTS of houses with storage heaters have begun yet another doomed attempt to find out how, or if, they work.
A MIDDLE-CLASS boy has been told he can grow up to be whatever he wants to be, as long as it earns at least six figures.
DO YOU know full well that Brexit is ruining your health, but obsessively seek out every little crumb of news about it anyway? Here’s how to wean yourself off.
THE media have firmly taken the side of Rebekah Vardy in her dispute with Coleen Rooney, proving she is not working with the media.
MATCHA is a putrid green powder that is inexplicably used in a range of foodstuffs including ice cream and macarons.
AN English man has added ‘f**king Bulgars’ to his vocabulary of muttered invective after England’s match against Bulgaria last night.
THE unbelievably ridiculous state opening of Parliament may offer a clue as to why the UK has problems, experts have claimed.
THE Queen is to announce the legalisation of cannabis, against the government's wishes.
AN office cheese plant has earned a well-deserved employee of the month award, it has been confirmed.
A COUPLE have unveiled plans for the long-awaited holiday which will inevitably put an end to their three year long relationship.
JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk - but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome...
RUGBY World Cup officials who cancelled matches because of a typhoon a 'bunch of fairies', according to a retired PE teacher.
MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week... There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s a about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?
A KINGFISHER going about his day is feeling uncomfortable about being watched by a strange man with binoculars.
YOU might be concerned about the climate crisis but your comfortable, SUV driving, cocaine sniffing mates couldn’t give two sh*ts. Turn them into activists by pretending it’s a stag do.
LEADING WAG detective Coleen Rooney has already unmasked Rebekah Vardy as pure evil, but what other historical mysteries could she solve?
A COUPLE have decided to spice things up in the bedroom by having sex.
BORIS Johnson claims to be able to see his way to a Brexit deal, which would leave you looking a right d*ck. Here’s how to find fault.
LIVING on a boat appears relaxed but actually involves things like emptying a big box of your own excrement on a regular basis, it has emerged.
FATHERS and sons across the UK are preparing for another awkward and superfluous ‘celebration’ of being closely related.