THE unbelievably ridiculous state opening of Parliament may offer a clue as to why the UK has problems, experts have claimed.
THE Queen is to announce the legalisation of cannabis, against the government's wishes.
AN office cheese plant has earned a well-deserved employee of the month award, it has been confirmed.
A COUPLE have unveiled plans for the long-awaited holiday which will inevitably put an end to their three year long relationship.
JASON Momoa. Actor, Aquaman and all round hunk - but could he sort out the Brexit mess? Probably not, but he is very handsome...
RUGBY World Cup officials who cancelled matches because of a typhoon a 'bunch of fairies', according to a retired PE teacher.
MOVIE Week, Hallowe’en Week, Killing-Time-Until-Christmas Week... There’s no end to Strictly’s crapulent theme nights, as we stomp on through a series that’s a about a month too long and 10 contestants too big. So what sort of Strictly special would actually be special?
A KINGFISHER going about his day is feeling uncomfortable about being watched by a strange man with binoculars.
YOU might be concerned about the climate crisis but your comfortable, SUV driving, cocaine sniffing mates couldn’t give two sh*ts. Turn them into activists by pretending it’s a stag do.
LEADING WAG detective Coleen Rooney has already unmasked Rebekah Vardy as pure evil, but what other historical mysteries could she solve?
A COUPLE have decided to spice things up in the bedroom by having sex.
BORIS Johnson claims to be able to see his way to a Brexit deal, which would leave you looking a right d*ck. Here’s how to find fault.
PARENTS are using playdates as an excuse to get smashed in the afternoons, they have confirmed.
A SELF-EMPLOYED man has confessed that the business he runs should really have let him go in 2018.
IS your marriage a hopeless, rotting husk that needs to be ended as soon as possible for everyone’s sake, or do you just need a toastie? Find out:
A WOMAN has admitted that the main reason she is having a baby is to quit the booze for nine months.
AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed.
FOR the third year in a row a woman has paid the entry fee for a half-marathon she will not actually run.
A 49-YEAR-OLD Brexiter has justified saying ‘we’ won World War Two by claiming he remembers the fighting from inside his grandfather’s left boll*ck.
WITH school summer holidays under way, now is a great time to visit the zoo and perhaps steal one of the animals.