A MAN has ruined his chance to form a romantic relationship by using an invented slang word to describe his date.
A WOMAN who told her boyfriend that she wants some time to ‘recharge her batteries’ has admitted that she just wants to have a wank in peace.
PARTS of Britain will today get a month’s rain in a day, but how will you claim it isn’t making your British break a nightmare? Try these tips.
WITH so many people milling about your workplace, it’s sometimes hard to tell if you are senior or just a hapless minion. Let's find out...
BRITAIN’S pedants have conceded defeat over persistent misuse of the word ‘literally’.
A WOMAN has spent an entire holiday taking pictures of 'views' that just happen to be behind her tanned legs.
WITH an unnecessary remake of The Lion King in cinemas, how far can the film industry take this creatively bankrupt trend? Here are some ideas.
HAVE you been forced to attend some f*cking 'networking event' by your boss and want to top yourself within two minutes of arriving? Here’s how to cope.
A MAN who never shuts up about being a Northerner avoids meeting anyone else from the region, colleagues have noticed.
THE Mother of Dragons from Game of Thrones has explained that she only wanted the Seven Kingdoms to respect the result of its recent referendum.
A WOMAN shopping for a new top is unable to find one that has not been ruined by an unnecessary details like a fake pockets or odd words.
ANTI-vaxxing, the belief that vaccinations are dangerous, is an extreme but increasingly popular position. Methamphetamine is an extremely dangerous drug increasing in popularity. Which are you on?
A VEGAN has confirmed that he confusingly still eats the small, individually-packaged French cheeses Babybel.
WITH catastrophic climate change on its way, responsible people like you need to act fast. Here’s what you’d definitely be doing if it wasn’t too much hassle.
AFTER consuming large amounts of alcohol it’s not always easy to tell exactly how shitfaced you are. Find out where you are on the ‘pissedness scale’ with our scientific guide.
WITH a thriving economy backed by its own currency, Legoland is to leave Britain and apply for EU membership.
MONKS have asked why God needs them to make lots of quite strong beer.
A COUPLE who spend all their free time together enjoying the same things have ‘something wrong with them’, according to friends.
A DOG who has stolen another string of sausages from an unwitting butcher has admitted his life is 'out of control'.
THE internet has made all sorts of strange behaviour normal, but has it turned you into a creepy online weirdo too? Take our test and find out.