Theresa May's guide to hanging on like an idiot

IT’S not just prime ministers who should never give up! Here are my tips for hanging on grimly in everyday life.

Strong and stable government to continue

THE UK has once again thanked the DUP for ensuring Britain has a strong and stable government.

Karma, agrees Britain

BRITAIN has agreed that Theresa May's humiliating defeat is undeniable evidence of karma.

All options ruled out

THE UK’s political leaders have ruled out the Brexit deal, a no-deal Brexit, a second referendum, a general election, remaining in the EU and continuing the current situation.

Man keeps peeking out window to see if riots have started yet

A 52-YEAR-OLD man his peeking out the window every 1o minutes to see if the riots have begun on his road.

Labelling half the country whining Remoaner twats 'not the best idea', admits May

CALLING half of UK voters losers who should shut their traitor mouths forever may not have been a brilliant idea, Theresa May has admitted.

'So, we're all agreed this is a great deal' confirms May

THERESA May is happy that everyone thinks her Brexit deal is brilliant in every possible way.

What sort of shit sandwich do you want? asks May

THERESA May has generously offered Britain a choice between a shit sandwich and a particularly nasty shit sandwich.

Everyone dying to ask left-wing Brexiter what f**king planet he's on

ONLY politeness is stopping people asking a Jeremy Corbyn supporter how the hell a ‘left-wing Brexit’ is supposed to work.

What sort of Remain traitor are you?

FROM the Speaker of the House of Commons to the most lowly office monkey, half the population of the UK is a traitor to Brexit. But what level are you?

The farmer's guide to voting for Brexit then being a dick about it

ARE you a farmer who fervently supported Brexit but now realises you’re up shit creek? Here’s how to be a dick about it.

Government to provide emergency heating but only for awful Tory pensioners

THE government is planning to supply emergency heaters, blankets and duvets to old folk, but only the ones who are diehard Conservatives.