Politics

We'd still vote Brexit, say people who pay little or no attention to the news

LEAVE voters who read newspapers from the back forward and watch the news twice a year have confirmed they would still vote for Brexit.

Builder who buggered up kitchen determined to 'see it through'

A BUILDER who has caused £8,000 of damage to the kitchen he is supposedly improving has promised he will see the job through.

Could you be the next useless Brexit secretary?

HAVE you got what it takes to be the next ambitious twat to pick up the poison chalice of Brexit? Take our quiz and find out.

I f**king love it, says Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has called a press conference to say he has read the draft Brexit agreement and, against all expectations, absolutely loves it.

Dominic Raab to petrol bomb your house then petrol bomb the fire brigade

DOMINIC Raab has unveiled plans to throw petrol bombs at your house and then petrol bomb the fire engine as soon as it arrives.

Northern Ireland re-named 'West Belgium' in Brexit deal

THE finalised Brexit deal imposes full EU rules on Northern Ireland, changes its official language to Flemish, bans religion and renames it West Belgium.

Shit finally completes 29-month journey towards fan

THE bucketful of shit first upended in June 2016 has finally completed its slow 29-month journey through the air and is now hitting the fan.

Don't stay together on our account, Britain tells Tories

THE UK has told the Conservative party that if it is trying to hold things together for their sake then go ahead and split up.

Dominic Raab's guide to the British Isles

AFTER discovering Britain is surrounded by water, Brexit secretary Dominic Raab shares his insights into the British Isles which everyone else already knew.

UK only getting for Christmas what it wanted in June 2016, Tories confirm

THE UK is only allowed the Christmas gifts it wanted on a whim in June 2016 whether or not it has changed its mind since, the government has confirmed.

Brexiter watching Britain 'take back control' from luxury mansion in France

A LEADING Brexiter feels the unfolding chaos of Brexit is going well from the vantage point of his massive house in France.