Voters surrender to their inner bastard

MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.

If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, claims Corbyn

LABOUR leader Jeremy Corbyn has told Boris Johnson that if he strikes him down, then it is he who will truly have lost.

Corbyn nasty bad man

JEREMY Corbyn is a bad, nasty man so you no vote for him.

What sort of idiot voting against your own interests are you?

ARE you planning to vote for an election candidate whose stated policy is to screw you over? Check to see if you’re one of the following idiots.

Wetherspoons to be given Carlisle if Conservatives win

BORIS Johnson has pledged the city of Carlisle to Wetherspoons to thank boss Tim Martin for his Brexit campaigning.

People who don't give a sh*t about politics having a lovely Christmassy day

THE third of Britain that does not give a sh*t about politics is having a delightful festive day filled with Yuletide joy. 

How to cope with election day before you can start drinking heavily

ARE you suffering through work sober until you can start drinking to cope with the tension of waiting for the election result? Here’s how to deal with it.

Things to put on your Christmas wish list in case the Tories win

DO you need regular medicine from the NHS? If the Tories win it might be a good idea to ask for a chemistry set to make it yourself. Here are some other gift ideas.

Britain to leave EU because of massive, blond-haired child

BRITAIN will quit the European Union because a massive, blond-haired child says so.

Let's all vote for twats

THE UK has woken up and grimly set out to do its democratic duty by voting for an irredeemable f**king twat. 

Nostalgic nation looks back on nine great years under the Tories

BRITAIN is today remembering all the cool things that have happened under Tory rule since 2010.

Elect me you little sh*ts

GOOD day. My message to you, on the final day before the general election, is stop buggering around and vote for me, you little sh*ts.