GORDON Brown will appoint Alan Milburn as his official Enemy in Cabinet when he takes over as Prime Minister next week.
SENIOR Tories last night backed a referendum on whether the Scottish Conservative Party is real or a figment of Annabel Goldie's imagination.
PRIME minister Tony Blair has outlined his plans for a full beard when he leaves office at the end of this month.
TRANSPORT minister Stewart Stevenson has become the first member of the Scottish Parliament to be inducted into the Muppet Hall of Fame.
DAVID Cameron was last night forced to deny claims that he presided over elaborate sex games in the garden shed of former Tory chairman Lord Tebbit.
TONY Blair and the Libyan dictator Colonel Gaddafi yesterday reached an historic agreement over the fact that Alex Salmond is a dick.
ALEX Salmond was forced to flee for his life yesterday after the Queen set a pair of dogs on him at the end of their first official audience.
FIRST minister Alex Salmond plans to satisfy the nation's energy needs by rubbing himself against a variety of high profile Scots.
TORY leader David Cameron is to spend two weeks living as a wheelie bin in East London in a bid to highlight the current crisis in British refuse collection.
THE premiership of Gordon Brown will be dominated by the damp, dreary weather so typical of his native Fife, the Met Office warned last night.
GORDON Brown has pledged to build 650 new ideologically-friendly towns across Britain when he becomes Prime Minister.
SNP Leader Alex Salmond has provoked the first constitutional crisis of the new parliament by demanding Scotland have its own entry in the Eurovision song contest.