Politics

Corbyn lines up seven marrows then smashes them with a spade

JEREMY Corbyn has lined up seven marrows at his allotment, spoken to them in angry tones then smashed them with a spade, observers confirmed.

Yay, now it's our turn to call people traitors, confirms Labour

A SPLIT in the Labour party today means both of Britain’s leading political parties will spend all their time constantly denouncing traitors. 

Me not getting what I want is a f**king emergency, says Trump

PRESIDENT Trump has announced that any situation where he does not get what he wants immediately is a national emergency.

Terrifying countdown to f**k-all continues

WITH only 44 days left until an Article 50 extension is forced by parliament, the EU, Theresa May or all three, the public cannot stop watching the countdown. 

Liam Fox signs trade deals with imaginary countries

TRADE secretary Liam Fox has signed trade deals worth more than £4.8 billion with countries which do not exist, he has triumphantly announced. 

Five things to do if you've f**king had it up to here with Brexit

IF you really can’t face any more Brexit bullshit it could be time to make some radical life changes. Here are some suggestions.

Tory MP experiencing Brexit hardship by living on just £10,000 a week

A CONSERVATIVE MP is getting an understanding of what Brexit will be like for the nation by continuing to be incredibly rich.

'Oh, I know I'm going to hell' confirms Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has confirmed that he is definitely going to hell.  

Irish border will be free of Popes, May assures DUP

POPE Francis of Rome will have no role in checking vehicles entering and leaving Northern Ireland, Theresa May has assured the DUP.

Five double acts that would make a better job of Brexit than Corbyn and May

JEREMY Corbyn meeting with Theresa May to discuss Brexit does not exactly fill sane people with confidence. So which other double acts could be put in charge?

Man watching BBC news as 'pure escapism' from Brexit

A MAN watches BBC news because it presents a calming, stress-free version of the actual ongoing catastrophe of Brexit.

I don't know who did you this deal but it's shit, says May

THE prime minister has advised Britain that whoever got them this Brexit deal ‘must have been a right cowboy’ and promised to get a better one.