ENGLAND is considering selling off its most valuable possession to help pay for the impending economic crisis, it has emerged.
ARE you a Tory voter who can’t accept any criticism of the government no matter how poorly they perform? Here’s how to share your denialism.
IN the chancellor’s giveaway bonanza, Britons can eat out in August with the government footing the bill. There are, however, certain conditions in the small print.
THE prime minister has criticised care homes for not following coronavirus prevention procedures, much like a dickhead called Boris Johnson.
AS pubs reopen, Nigel Farage has got back to the daily grind of being photographed holding a pint and grinning like a twat.
SCIENTISTS have called for tests to locate those who still think Brexit is going to be great, so that they can be isolated from the rest of society.
DOMINIC Cummings has suggested detonating a nuclear device in Leicester city centre to surgically remove coronavirus from the Midlands.
BORIS Johnson has demonstrated his legendary lovemaking technique to Mail readers who could not adore him more.
Embattled housing secretary pulls ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card by saying it was Cummings's idea
ROBERT Jenrick has curtailed any possible criticism for granting billionaires favours for cash by claiming Dominic Cummings said it was okay.
WITH lockdown restrictions easing, you might be confused as to what you can do and can’t. Here are the government’s hastily cobbled-together plans explained.
THE Conservatives have outlined their roadmap to the photo opportunity of Boris Johnson behind a bar pulling a pint that means this crisis is over.
TAXPAYERS are happy to fund the paint job on Boris Johnson’s plane as long as it is a picture of a large cock and balls.