Your Daily Mash Guide To Election Night 2007

It's set to be the most historic night in Scottish politics since blah blah blah.... Union in jeopardy.... blah blah.... end of Labour domination..... blah blah.... is Gordon Brewer feeling alright?

It's A Monster Munch Landslide, According To Daily Mash Survey

MONSTER Munch will be the next first minister of Scotland, according to the latest Daily Mash readers' poll.

Salmond's Face To Be Projected On To Moon Night Before Election

THE SNP election campaign will reach a spectacular climax this week when the face of party leader Alex Salmond is projected on to the surface of the moon.

Labour Campaign To Focus On Updating CVs

LABOUR candidates and party activists will spend the last three days of the campaign updating their CVs, the Daily Mash has learned.

Mcconnell Comes Last In 'Zoo Trustworthiness' Poll

FIRST Minister Jack McConnell is the party leader least trusted to take your 19 year old-sister to the zoo, according to the first Daily Mash readers' poll.

Lib Dems Unveil 'Panto Stars For A Federal Britain'

THE Liberal Democrats received an election boost today as the greats of Scottish pantomime threw their weight behind slightly more powers for the Holyrood Parliament.

Exams Force Alexander To Quit Labour Campaign

SCOTTISH Secretary Douglas Alexander has been ordered to quit Labour's Holyrood election campaign and concentrate on revising for his Highers.

Scots Tories Pledge Cut Price Booze And Neighbourhood Sex Parties

THE Scottish Tories were accused of blatant populism today as they unveiled a manifesto bursting at the seems with sex, booze and holidays.

New Teeth For All, Pledge Lib Dems

EVERY Scot will be fitted with a new set of state-of-the-art acrylic teeth within the lifetime of the next parliament, the Lib Dems pledged today.

Three Year-Olds To Learn Klingon In Labour Manifesto Pledge

JACK McConnell unveiled Labour's Holyrood manifesto today with a commitment to improve the foreign language skills of Scotland's toddlers.

Salmond: I'm Bigger Than Jesus Now

SNP leader Alex Salmond provoked religious fury last night after announcing he was now more popular than Jesus Christ.

Mcconnell To Campaign Dressed As Holly Hunter In 'The Piano'

FIRST minister Jack McConnell delighted Labour activists today by appearing at an election rally dressed as Holly Hunter in her Oscar-winning role in The Piano.